Reviews for Set Me Free
StoryMonster chapter 5 . 2/24/2011
Joey seems so cool so far! But in this chapter she was kinda.. withdrawn, I think she knows something about Jet.

Overall, pretty good!

StoryMonster

x Review Returned
xRayne wolfx chapter 3 . 1/3/2011
I love the little pokemon thing joey mention, it was cute lol. You did a great job with the fighting scenes and the characterization between raven and joey.. I cannot wait for more :)

Rayne wolf
Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 2 . 1/2/2011
Well, to be honest I agree with you on your A/N. This chapter really feels flat until the very end. I think you might need to input more scenarios of tension here. Whatever I've seen here is the kind of so-far-so-good kind of smooth sailing event wise. Even if you don't want to tweak the nature of the events, I think at the very least you can actually try to create certain emotions and thoughts into Raven that will either go some way to define the plot or at the very least his character.

As for the part on Joey, erm isn't Raven way too trusting in his attitude? Granted that I don't know anything on the background information of your world, but for now, I assume that Raven's race is either really being prejudiced against or at the very least he would have a certain phobia in letting his identity known. In this respect, I think he's really too trusting. Of course I know you're trying to gun for a more curiosity based reaction, but at the risk of sounding blunt, I think it went pear shaped because you've actually accidentally overstepped into the boundary of default trusting. Curious about a person's reaction doesn't equate to trusting him you know. To be honest I think you could have done something on Raven's own sense of tension at that point of time be it within his heart of via physical reactions from both sides.

But that ending part was really well done though. I really went OMG WTF HAPPENED? at that seriously. Anyway, if my review sounds harsh, I'm truly sorry. My focus isn't hundred percent for now due to a flu. But from what you've stated in your A/N, I guess you would have braced yourself for it lol! :D And yeah, just two questions. Firstly, is this a work of urban fantasy? Secondly I really wonder if your background world is that of an alternate version of Japan at the very least.
this wild abyss chapter 2 . 12/15/2010
So, considering what happened in this chapter, I thought that it was a little pointless. Besides the introduction of this girl, nothing really major happened, and I think that you should have paired it with something else to make it feel more like an actual chapter. Because when speaking of the conflict, you didn't further it along in any way, so there didn't really seem to be a point at all.

You description at the beginning was very nice, though. I thought it set the mood perfectly, and the imagery you used was great. Nicely done with that.
this wild abyss chapter 1 . 12/15/2010
You inclusion of background information and your characterization were fairly good in this. You didn't overload readers, but there wasn't a huge amount of plotholes, so that's good.

But other than that, I'm not really sure how to take this. You presented the information in a very straightforward manner, and there was no slant or twist to it in any way. Certainly, it was telling, and telling in one of the worst possible ways. It was like, here's this kid, this kid lives in an orphanage, this kid find out his parents were sorcerers, this kid finds out he's supposed to save sorcerers. End of chapter. There wasn't really any storytelling in this, I thought. And since the plot itself is already rather cliched, that lack of entertainment value makes this a rather sharp read. I mean, don't get me wrong, it definitely has potential, but at the moment there isn't really anything to bring readers coming back.
xRayne wolfx chapter 2 . 12/11/2010
nice chapter, I think fantasy is really one of your best suits beside writing manga Joey seems like a typical anime girl but none the less, I enjoyed her. And finally the nameless dude has a name!

Rayne wolf
Blade100 chapter 10 . 11/24/2010
Aw...Poor Raven. Doesn't know what he's gotten himself into.

Great story. Good job! Thank you for making this.

Oh, by the way, there's something I'm working on. I'll give you a pm later on. Again, good job.
StoryMonster chapter 1 . 11/24/2010
I like your writing style!

Lol, I like Japanese too...

But I don't get to learn it.

Anyways, I like.

]]
Blade100 chapter 9 . 11/20/2010
Now the title makes even more sense than it did before.

There's a lot of good writing here, and I hope I can add it into CAH! well. Maybe a reference to Karasu, or something. Or a joke about Raven always being knocked out?

Anyways, good job on the story. Thumbs up. I'll get started on the next chapter later.

PS Karasu seems pretty badass.
Kanrei chapter 1 . 11/16/2010
just gotta luv the mentions of the sky and i like the idea of wings. I'll read the rest later
Blade100 chapter 8 . 11/14/2010
Hey, sorry for not reviewing sooner. Complications here.

As for the chapter, well...It may just be me, but it felt different than other chapters. A tad darker. Maybe that's just because of the situation.

I didn't really see any mistakes, and I thought it was a good chapter. I don't really know what else to say...Um...It sure does suck to be Raven!

Yeah. That'll work.
thefaultinourpatronus chapter 2 . 11/14/2010
I'm glad you added this interesting bit here; last chapter seemed slightly filler-types. But this one was nice, although I do think Joey is an odd name for a girl! Anyway, I'd like to read more.

x mandy

Gossip Forum
thefaultinourpatronus chapter 1 . 11/14/2010
Wow, cliffhanger! Those seem easy enough to write, but actually it's pretty difficult. You need to slowly build it up, without it seeming too rough, nor to drawn out. Yours was perfect, though. I do like the name 'Kurogi', though. I like the way you differentiated between the personalities of him and his friend, Ken.

x mandy

Gossip Forum
Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 1 . 11/9/2010
Okay since you've requested for reviews on this one, I'll gladly oblige. :) Anyway, I can see that this is a fast paced chapter with it's own twists so early into the story. Kurogi seems to be quite an angsty character here. I really like his thoughts on his family here. It really seems pretty much realistic here. However I think that you could have tried to create a certain contrast between him and Ken via interactions. You know things like debating their take on life and things like that? It will actually do a good job making Kurogi's character stand out rather the the usage of mention as you've done here. Also when I saw the talking raven, my first reaction was lol Lewis. If you've read the Chronicles of Narnia series, you'll know what I'm saying here. But still interesting to see a shapshifting mage. It's one of the old time favorites in high fantasy you know. ;) Anyway, it seems that things are getting interesting enough so early in the story. I truly wonder what will be next in the future chapters. :)

P.S: Just curious about one thing. You said you're going to rewrite this work. Will it be a case of editing grammar or revamping the whole thing?
xRayne wolfx chapter 1 . 10/18/2010
I'm curious to know what happens next o.o I love the name Karasu and this kid.. god darn it man, name yourself so you won't get anymore confuse then you already are! :P

Good story so far, I look forward to reading more when I can!

Rayne
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