Reviews for Adam and Eve
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 3/19/2011
"tighter still then the tiger"... than

Really powerful piece with really wonderful imagery. I especially love those first three stanzas. It created a really great setup for the piece. I liked the ending too. The different amphibian references were nice (or is a snake a reptile?). Anyway, nice job! (of course)

PS Check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (links in my profile)
Isca chapter 1 . 6/10/2010
"Stand still, forest; the lovers approach." The tone of this line reminds me of fae folk, for some reason, like Queen Titania telling the forst to hush at midsummer so she can listen to the lovers.

"Tighter still then the tiger stripe of doom-sound taunting." It should be 'than.' Otherwise, this line is beyond brilliant.

"No father here." Mind-blowing.

"Stand still, continent; they approach." I like that the last line relates back to the first. Good work.
learntosayhello chapter 1 . 6/9/2010
Oh gosh, that was so intense. It flowed really well for a poem, not one of those stilted nonsensical ones. How did this relate to the quote, though?
Julius Julius chapter 1 . 6/8/2010
beautiful poem, I noticed how you begin some of the lines with capitals and others without. Or maybe that was not intentional. I just notice it because I typically avoid all capitals, I think it has a smooth effect on the poem in general. At least I dot my I's right?

I wish we had a better means of communication. I respond to your messages but for some reason I don't think you have ever gotten a single one of them. (sad face)

I'm publishing some of my poetry, I wish there was a way I could send you the book when it is complete. :)
Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 6/6/2010
I think the short lines and stanzas worked well for you. It made your writing seem clear and concise and drew a lot of attention to your wonderful word choices. Lovely poem.

Good job and good luck in WCC!
lookingwest chapter 1 . 6/5/2010
Ah, you've done it again! I totally thought upon first impressions that I wouldn't like this because of it's subject matter being cliche. But then you blew me away again with your choice and flow of words. It's *so* effortless! There's never any chunkiness in your writings, I swear! O_O I loved the interpretation of the moments Adam and Even spent with one another. I was a little confused by the wording of "the lovers approach" because I never think of Adam and Eve as being lovers in Eden, only after they're banished from Eden to Nod do they start having lustful thoughts, so that sort of mixed me up and I wasn't sure where to place them setting or timeline wise. Besides that though, I did like the first line "stand still forest", and that use of personification, and then throughout again, I just fall in love with your word flow. Best of luck in WCC!
no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 6/5/2010
Wow, this is gorgeous. I love the sparse nature of it and how it's still full of life. Beautiful beautiful. I think my favorite phrase might be "lungs for mouths," though I also love "stand still chameleon skull." Some seriously amazing work here. Keep writing! :)
Black Sparrow chapter 1 . 6/5/2010
Whoa :) That was pretty awesome. Great job, I loved it.
cab fed hig chapter 1 . 6/5/2010
increasingly beautiful, intriguing poetry.

excellent work