|Reviews for Dear Diary|
| evilfisheggs chapter 7 . 6/26/2012
Update damnit! Now! I'm giving you a virtual kick in the bum right now.
| violet-chi chapter 1 . 3/5/2012
January? JANUARY? -KICK- (you totally said I could in your bio.) You don't seem to understand HOW INCREDIBLY OBSESSED WITH THIS STORY I AM! This story has taken up many hours of in-class daydreaming and I want more to base them on! COME BACK! I miss you! The world is dying from the depravity of your genius! Rainbows are no longer colorful. The Yeti no longer has hair. Trees no longer grow vertically. Fires are no longer warm. Humans no longer have feet. The sky is not blue, raindrops are shaped like anvils, and the man-eating pianos are threatening to overthrow the government! Please update and save us from this madness!
| evilfisheggs chapter 8 . 2/24/2012
i love this story so update it, damn it! better yet, finishbit! please?
| sunny-california chapter 8 . 2/5/2012
(kick, kick, kick) feel the pain! Update plz
| violet-chi chapter 7 . 11/29/2011
Come back? This was one of my favorite stories and it'd be absolutely spectacularly awesome of you to keep going. :D
| Nique13 chapter 4 . 10/28/2011
"Th-them?" I question, gazing at him and needing an answer.
- He can't pronounce 'th' so shouldn't it be "F-fem?"
| TheDarkestAbyss chapter 8 . 2/3/2011
Wow this story really got me! I like your style :)Can't wait for the next upptade!
| James Hiwatari chapter 8 . 1/17/2011
Well, you take a while to write, I take a while to read...
Bernie did look like a creepy old man at first. Even though he isn't, it does sound a little weird that Avery would so easily trust him.
The plot starts now? I wonder what the most important plot element is, then... would it be the dog? D Or the grandson? D
| R.I.N. Natsume chapter 8 . 11/19/2010
*raises her hand in guilt* I was one of those people who thought the old man was going to molest him...NEVER TRUST OLD MEN WITH PUPPY'S!...hehe anyway, I really like this story, its really good, and I know how hard it is to write a story in first person present, and this one turned out really good. Hehe, I love Sydney xD shes so funny. I really started to LOL when I was reading this story, which would be fine if I didn't laugh so loud and if I wasn't using my laptop in the middle of the living room...Yeah, my family thinks I'm insane~! I like how you don't try and over complicate the plot and I really like how you show Every's thought pattern, its too cute~! :3 please write more chapters, I'm a poor fictionpress addict and this story is all I have right now *sad face*...so help a fellow follower of the Shonen-Ai god? * w *...?...Hehe We will take over the world!WHAHAHA-...okay...I'm going now...just...Update :D!
| Dorchise chapter 8 . 10/7/2010
This is utterly cute. I like how simple and funny this is :) Like most people would try to over-complex the plot or something but you don't and I like that (well, maybe you are trying to make it dark and ominous although its not; it's light and sweet and I prefer that :])
I'm only a bit iffy on the old man though. I don't see much older people act like that. I mean it's KINDA cute but maybe toning it down a bit, posibly, is my only necessary critism.
Anyways, since I'm a new reader I wanted to share my thoughts and opinions so...yeah :)
Whenever you got the time, I'm ready for a new one :)
| violet-chi chapter 8 . 9/30/2010
Oh. My. God. This is amazing! You must understand how awesome you are! I tried to review last night, but my computer was being a butt, so I fantasized about your stroy ALL NIGHT, and I'm hoping you update soon! So now I'm on at 8AM pleading with you that you don't give up on this story! I'll do whatever I need to do to keep your inspiration to write! Crawl on my hands and knees and kiss your feet and give you candy! I'll do everything!
Avery is SO CUTE~! I want to hug him and give him a cookie! xD
| Kitten Arcane chapter 8 . 9/20/2010
Woo! I'm finally here. I know you've been awaiting my review anxiously, so I'll be sure not to disappoint you. _
So, when did you and hyphens get so cozy? You seem to use them lavishly in this chapter. Not that it's a bad thing; I myself quite like using semi-colons. XD
"You distracted him from the front and I got him from the back."-I thought Avery would be the one to 'get him from the back' if you catch my drift.
"Striding back over to me"-That doesn't sound right. At all. Try something like "strolling." People usually say something about a person's stride, as opposed to using it as an actual verb.
"As we're walking, Sydney elbows me lightly in the side, catching my attention."-You could reduce your abundant comma usage by changing this to "...elbows me lightly in the side to grab my attention." I notice that, like me, you tend to use a lot of three-comma sentences.
"tough-guy, bad boys"-Why does tough-guy get a hyphen, but not bad-boy? That's totally unfair. XD
Ok, is Avery stupid or something? Who would listen to a group of people laughing at you for directions? Sigh...
"has grown on me."-You forgot to add " at the end.
"He releases a loud bark of laughter"-That is not a good way to describe it, especially when there's an actual dog in the scene. It's confusing, haha.
So, I don't mean to be nitpicky or anything (actually I do, but I digress...) Bernie's dialogue seems to be too "hip" and "young" for an elderly man. Trust me, I am around old people all day now, and they really don't talk like that. It's just not their generation. I don't know why, but I just don't think of Bernie as an old man the way you write him. Maybe 50's at the most.
"I'm glad you find this so amusing, old man. At least one of us does."-Simba: You sound just like my Father. Nala: Good, at least one of us does. Heh, that's what I thought of immediately after reading that part. XD
"The tension between the two is tangible."-This is technically alright to use, since it's a metaphor, but here's the thing. Usually when people read it, they take it literally, and it just sounds weird. For this reason, it might sound better if you put a "practically" or "all but" or something akin in there. "The tension is all but/practically/nearly tangible."
Heh, for all the description you give Cole, you'd think he was going to become a main character. P And little Avery sure does like him, doesn't he? Figures XD
"feathery fur"-Makes him sound like some sort of mutant bird/dog. Which, incidentally, might be potentially awesome. But would it chase or be eaten by cats? Hmm...
Soo...yeah, that's about it when it comes to technical aspects. Just get to the yaoi already, would you? XD Jk jk.
But seriously, I want to see his and Riley's relationship start sometime soon. Or else. D
It's like-Avery can find Riley on the Ferris wheel at the festival with another girl, and then threaten to fall off if he doesn't go on a date with him...*The Notebook reference, anyone?*
Right, so, keep it up! I want to see this story finished, you hear?
~Lady Atomic~ (She knows how to blow your mind!)
| xlittleredtearx chapter 8 . 9/12/2010
are we going to find out why averys family didnt come to get him? because really, the suspense is killing mw.
| AmShe256 chapter 8 . 9/11/2010
I won't lie, I really did think you were about to make Bernie a creeper. How does he know Avery's social worker so closely? Looking forward to the next chapter. I wish Avery could keep the dog, Cole seems to make him happy. lol.
| OrangeJuice190 chapter 7 . 8/16/2010
bahhaha, yes, I LOVE ORANGE JUICE! Infact, I just finished some right now. D Tis was delicious.
I am rather fond of Avery. He always seems so lost, it's cute in a way.