Reviews for Blood Contract
evie55 chapter 7 . 6/27/2011
i absolutely love your story!

it's so imaginative and original that i have no idea what's goiing to happen next.

i really hope you do carry on with this story, it's now one of my favouruites :)
zaythura chapter 7 . 6/20/2011
Nice story. I hope you don't rush the characters, they're quite interesting. :D

And my condolences to your family member. Good luck with your future chapters.
yakirra chapter 8 . 6/14/2011
I randomly stumbled across your lovely story in someones favourites today and I'm really glad I did. I know you haven't updated in a while, but in comparison to some other authors it isn't really a long time at all.

I am really enjoying this world you have created, for now the name escapes me and I'm feeling lazy, so forgive me for not recalling. I like how the information is being slowly leaked, and while that can become frustrating it's also enticing and piques my curiosity. The characters you have created are interesting and not all perfect and one dimensional, which is refreshing! Some stories on FP I've been reading lately...

It's clear that you have put in effort and imagination into your writing and while you may think it needs revising, I didn't pick up on any fatal errors, but I do understand the need to do something right and to your best capability. So either way I will keep reading if you update again.

Fantastic beginning!

:)
Egwene13 chapter 8 . 6/10/2011
Wow! I love this story and can't wait for the revised version to be put up. Please update soon! :)
autumn sea chapter 8 . 6/3/2011
I noticed you haven't updated in a few months and it KILLS me ! But please know I am loving this story and I look forward to the next chapter EAGERLY.
JBrooke chapter 8 . 4/19/2011
I actually think your story is pretty well written as is, but it is your story :) I just hope you start exiting soon because I really love this story and can't wait for the next update/edit :D
alias h. anonymous chapter 1 . 4/17/2011
I understand that you plan for this [promising] story to be reworked from the original draft, but I took the time to read through the first chapter and would like to let you know what I thought, even if it won’t matter later.

As far as first chapters go, this is one long monstrosity. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am a big fan of lengthy chapters, but when a first chapter introduces all your characters and so much detail about their lives, the reading becomes more work than pleasure. If I had free edit reign of your story, first I would separate the prologue and first chapter; they have completely different tones and clash when pushed together. And to get the action started, I would turn the café scene into a phone conversation where Jena is already at her grandfather’s house.

The whole café/school introduction throws information at us rather than slipping it between the lines, so to speak. And dialogue doesn’t have to be your main source of getting points across to readers. When Katelyn asks if her parents are divorced, Jena could have answered with a simple ‘yes’ and all that about her parents could have been written into a nice paragraph; Katelyn could have followed up by asking if that was why she spent so much time with her grandfather and so on. As a reader, if Katelyn arrived in their dorm to find Jena gone and some of her things missing, a quick call to her roommate would provide enough foundation for their close friendship without having to use their conversation (one they might have already had) to get across information to the readers.

Then there’s little things like “long raven black hair” and her exact height that act as extraneous information unnecessary in the first chapter. You have a whole story to fill with details – don’t be so keen to give it all away so quickly! I like giving the readers a chance to imagine what a character looks like based on the personality you give them; a note of her hair color or the size of her shoes here and there would suffice. In fact, I suggest limiting yourself to providing only ONE physical detail of Jena during the first chapter and see which one prevails all others. You might surprise yourself with how little (or how much) you need to rely on such information.

The same goes for Xavier. In many story, these panicked, tied-up heroines always seem to find enough time for paragraphs of detail on the love interest hovering over them. Sure, not all goes unnoticed when fear grips you, but setting aside a sentence(s) for saying how handsome/young/unique/mouthy he is fails to be informational or interesting. Perhaps while Jena is in and out of things, she can see just a glimpse of him when her eyelids have enough strength to blink, and only then can you mention the colors of his eyes. And that is where I would end your first chapter. Like I said, you have a whole story to reveal characters and motives and development; this first chapter tries to pack it all in at once and it just can’t.

On the other hand, if you keep it simple (i.e. use ‘say’ instead of ‘proclaim’) and worked more on getting to the point without using your characters as venues, you would have very lyrical writing. I see it even now in this draft. I skimmed through the rest of your chapters and see that you have a real great plot on your hands, lots of potential to end up in many different places. It could be a great story. I would very much like to see you rework this because I want to see how your writing grows and matures; you have it in you to be a good writer, even if it is just on the weekends ;) If this first chapter doesn't even make it to your final edit, I do hope this helps, even if only a little.

Good luck with your writing. I'll be keeping my eye on you . . .
thesilverthief chapter 8 . 4/4/2011
There's nothing wrong with revising! I'm glad you are so motivated to do so. Good luck with everything and I hope you get over your writer's block and continue this amazing story. :)
phelps112 chapter 8 . 4/4/2011
I like it so far, watch your spelling(bangs not banes when describing her hair as a child) It is a little similar to Jennifer T Ali and Paws-Bells, but still good.
RainingMoon chapter 8 . 3/15/2011
oh please dont take to long. i actually really like where you were going with this. and leaving me hanging after that last chapter, so not fair .

i'm sorry for your loss, and i hope you and your family have a successful journey down the road to healing, if you haven't already.

I recently lost a family member too but we expected her to pass.

old age and excessive alcohol consumption inevitably took its toll on her frail human body.

So i can understand the pain to a certain extent.

well, I hope inspiration hits and you can continue this story once more.

it'd be a shame if such a great story went to waste.

~*~RainingMoon~*~
HoPELeSS.RoMaNTiiC chapter 8 . 3/15/2011
I actually really like the pace of the story as it is, it's not too fast or too slow but I do understand your motives for wanting to re evaluate it. Some areas that I think you should focus on are your spelling and grammar- spelling I'n particular and the dream scenes. I find them to be very confusing at times because you said she was 5 in one scene and then when she spoke, she sounded 15 at the youngest. I can understand if you want her to sound mature but that was just too much maturity. Another problem within the scene is the way she interacts with Lazarus. At five years old she might be angry for two minutes but then she would forget about it and enjoy the time she had with him.

The only other aspect I can criticize is the part where you write out their internal conversations- when you use italics. It can quite confusing at times because the parts that you try to emphasis get lost I'n the italics and do not stand out well. Maybe you might want to try using bold or underline instead, just so it's clear.

Really, other than that I'm really enjoying reading this. Can't wait until your next post, I'll be waiting- hope that doesn't sound too creepy lol Ahahahaha
Freak Of Music chapter 8 . 3/6/2011
i really appreciate u not just giving up and frgt abt dis and i really really liked ur plot and i think i wudnt mind waition for u 2 start again coz i kno dis storys gonna rock and it is worth da time!:)

All da best for completin it i (with alot others) will be Waiton

XOXOXO,

Freak Of Music!
B chapter 8 . 2/27/2011
Frickin' awesome story! Keep it up and keep it coming.
o la la la chapter 8 . 2/27/2011
plz plz plz update!
violet-eyez chapter 8 . 2/17/2011
So sorry for your loss
296 | « Prev Page 1 .. 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 .. Last Next »