Reviews for Redemption
TheLadySongSerenade chapter 11 . 4/13/2012
Huh... I coulda sworn I had reviewed this chapter already... Guess not! Haha it's okay about you forcing me to read your story- it's not like I'm being tortured or anything! I'm happy to do it! :) hmmm I don't think you did too badly from a guys pov, but then again, I'm not a guy soo... I think we female authors sometimes make our male character love interests slightly better than any normal guy would be because that's the kind of guy we want... I admit, I do it too (but I also appear to be attracted to jerks, so...) anyhoo- the moral of that spiel (teehee! LOVE that word!) is to be careful that you don't fall into the nice boy trap (at the risk of a non realistic character!)
not-just-visiting chapter 1 . 2/8/2012
good, read more good fiction. you don't need to declare the point of view (pov), just establish a break in narrative (new chapter, multiple line breaks, etc). what would each person say if they were members of fictionpress and read the others point of view... start over and make a pov of the characters pov reading the others pov.. also, 5'6" is pretty short in america, avoid unnecessary adjectives, remove all adverbs, read stephen king's on writing. keep at it
TheLadySongSerenade chapter 10 . 10/21/2011
Your review madam :) I am very sorry I've been so remiss in reviewing your fabulous story, but it is fabulous. The advice is great too. There are quite a few typos and grammatical errors sprinkled throughout, though as a whole it's not that bad. Post more soon!
EmmaWoodhouse88 chapter 9 . 2/8/2011
That was hilarious! Especially when she moved the car faster than them. lol. I can't wait to see what's going to happen in the bathroom!:P
Anna 'Lady' K chapter 9 . 2/6/2011
Awesome story, please continue, i'd like to read more and i might even be following your tips from the beginning, coz i am fat -_-
angellover254 chapter 6 . 1/13/2011
I really like this idea so far, its getting very interesting, I cant wait until Maya's go back to school...anyways please update soon!
Ramar chapter 8 . 1/4/2011
Nice...nice...very enjoyable :) Keep the updates coming :D
Sophie Grey chapter 7 . 11/12/2010
most of this last chapter actually made no sense to me...

a giant band of fat sumo wrestlers...?
Furry thing chapter 3 . 11/11/2010
i read chapter 7 , and i forgot 2 add that it is actually not bad!
Furry thing chapter 7 . 11/11/2010
tumi ryan ke ki banaccho! bhai bastobb duniyae neme aasho. or is ryan like ur pyaar ki ek kahani-r edward. i swear caliban cud do better!
Furry thing chapter 5 . 11/4/2010
yes i read ur comment on casillas, and its gud u've decided 2 show him sum respect. now all u hav 2 do is say sth nice abt kaka or else, maisha and i r gonna kel u. no actually we'll go 2 caliban nd say...
Furry thing chapter 6 . 10/28/2010
Dude, predictator... I hope u recognize me! yeah i am the female version of Mr. ur story is OK, but wats up with the tips? those r crappy. call me as soon as u figure out who i am!
imaginingdragons chapter 6 . 9/1/2010
Ur bloody funny but this stuff bores me, sawwy
imaginingdragons chapter 5 . 8/21/2010
Hahaha, don't be a murderer? Sure whatever -_-

Nice chapter. Nice ending. I love your humour!

Kaka kaka gay gay ... Classic xx!
TheLadySongSerenade chapter 5 . 8/15/2010
hahaha- i'm really loving jason. And serena... Here's another review! And pooh for you- I read it anyway! haha, a few mistakes. Nothing major. Nothing I feel is worth pointing out. post more soon
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