|Reviews for The Timeless Prophecy|
| Patch72 chapter 2 . 8/6/2010
Sorry it's taken me so long to come back, I've been trying to crank out my own story.
Again, nice chapter. Extremely detailed. I feel sorry for Puff and Snicker in how they simply never stood a chance. One question I have, some of the immortals use guns while others use magic spells? Are they all not capable of spell casting or just prefer the feel of a gun?
| Patch72 chapter 1 . 7/6/2010
I promise as I have time I will try to tackle your story chapter by chapter to try to give you a more in depth opinion of your story...
That said, let the first review begin:
I think I understand why you've not had many hits/reviews... you are not writing a story or book, you are writing a novel. You have stepped your game up above what is the norm on this site. Too be honest people probably read this and they are intimidated because they realize that this is not some fluffed up garbage they can skim through and still not miss much of anything.
Basically this is what it boils down to, you are a author, not a writer. There is a gap there that most people don't see until they fall into it. The level your novel is at is almost too good for this site, which is a large compliment if you actually take the time to sift through some of the horribly written stuff that is on here to see where you rank. Honestly, the only way you're going to get more readers is to dumb your story down. But I beg of you to not sell out like that. You finish this NOVEL, and if you own and master the rest of the chapters like you did this one I honestly, 100% feel you need to send copies to publishers.
| Alice's Pendant chapter 1 . 6/11/2010
Love the description! The paragraphs are done very nicely!
But there's a little too much dialogue. This tense dialogue between.. officers are usually very boring. I suggest you to cut some of it, and change this into a smaller prologue.
I suspect this is close to 3k words? Prologues are usually 33% less wordy than what you have here.
But in general, its' not bad!