|Reviews for Pineapple Juice|
| StoryMonster chapter 1 . 1/23/2011
I liked this, although the abcde parts were kinda distracting.
| Triizore chapter 1 . 6/10/2010
"I dragged noisily" should be "I noisliy dragged"
Other than that, you're golden. This is amazing, how could you do something like this in two hours?
Amazing concept and your writing is beautiful.
| Kackex chapter 1 . 6/10/2010
Wow, you got description down to the letter. I enjoyed the fact you kept consistent in your tone throughout the piece. You though have your descriptions slow the story down a little bit. At the end I found a bit of sadism. I wished the story could've had a happier ending.
Oh yeah, before I forget, nice use of the prompt. It wasn't too obvious but there so we knew it connected somehow.
Good luck in the June 2010 WCC RG, Keep writing, would you kindly,
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 6/9/2010
I have to apologize for not getting to this one sooner, I've reviewed everyone but this and one other-I usually do WCC pieces before the voting starts, so yes, anyway, apologies! XD
Well first off, I really love what you did with the dividers, that was really original, though I'm not sure if I understood it's tie in to the story itself, admittedly. The opening first scene was vivid too. I like your sentence style a lot, it's varied, but you're bold and short when you need to be. I also liked the narrator's voice, it was strong and determined, plus memorable.
I liked the sense of paranoia you distilled in the second part, and kept throughout until the end, it was consistent. And the reoccurring repetition of "back and forth" was clever and well worded, coming just at the right times. I also appreciated your take on the prompt, as it doesn't reference completely obviously to it. The first person narration really made this submission pop. Best of luck in the WCC!
| xenolith chapter 1 . 6/9/2010
Woah, that was intense. Your description is heavy and awesome, but in some places it bogs the story down. That said, I particularly liked this part:
'steam would stream through my lips.'
oh and this part: 'For several more decades I visited him every Saturday'
Decades. Big shock, nicely delivered. I think it'd be a thrill to be your beta, what I've seen of your writing so far is very, very cool. Nice take on the prompt, similar to mine, I guess, but yours was executed better. Good luck for the WCC :)
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 6/8/2010
You did a lovely job with active descriptions throughout the piece, and I enjoyed the foreboding tone.
Good job and good luck in WCC!