Reviews for Transitions
gcxcgrl chapter 9 . 1/11/2011
I knew something was going on between them! I really hope Theresa shows up again though, I loved her! Good chapter, I can't wait to see what's going to happen!
Misguided Me chapter 7 . 1/1/2011
Wow. This is a very interesting take on the life of Royals. I quite like it. I can't help but admit that Theresa is my favorite (although I try to avoid adopting favorites when reading, it makes the experience more crisp and unclouded). She reminds me of my own best friend in many ways. I look forward to reading upcoming chapters; you're an amazing writer. Good luck.
Sarimbe chapter 6 . 8/17/2010
I liked this chapter. It's nice to see them get some respite, haha - and Samuel is such a funny character. Keep going!
Sarielle chapter 6 . 8/7/2010
Damm, I love this story it's So good! ilu keep it going
gcxcgrl chapter 5 . 7/25/2010
oh some action! This chapter was awesome! I'm so glad Samuel wasn't hurt worse! I love him! And I loved the line, "It was the alchemy of happiness." That was a really unique and cool way to describe her feelings. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Sarimbe chapter 5 . 7/23/2010
Wow! I wasn't expecting that. This looked like it was going to be a tale of courtly intrigue; I'm so glad there's some bloody action going on too.

You described the fight scene fantastically - I was scared that Samuel would die... And I love Theresa even more now. Those Sarah or Rebecca characters would probably have melted to the floor at the first arrow... :P

However, from "... there was a shout from outside" to "Theresa pulled the blind down" I felt a little detached from Adela's character. You used the word "horror" twice to describe her feelings. Perhaps it would have been better to show her gripping the edge of the window, shaking inside her dress, almost tumbling off the seat; something physical that would describe her feelings as well as placing her in the carriage. I felt a little lost - as though Adela was a narrator hovering above the scene. Some indication of the physical effect the ambushers and the arrows had on her and the carriage would have been good.

Anyway, it's only a minor thing - like usual. And don't worry about how long it's taken to set the story up; this scene had a lot of impact because we know about the characters involved. Without the backstory, why would anybody care if Samuel died or if Adela got told off by her father?

I have to wait for the next chapter now. Bummer! Keep writing; this is really good.
Sarimbe chapter 4 . 7/23/2010
I liked the last line. Adela seems surrounded by false information, and people who mean well but must lie to her. You do a good job of showing Adela's search for people she can trust. Adela's mother is particularly scary...

Oh, and I loved the line: "The book opened to me a new world and also a yawning chasm at my feet." It was good! It also reminded me of a poem I read that kind of reminds me of Adela, especially in this chapter; it's called 'A Royal Princess' by Christina Rosetti. Read it if you have the time! I doubt your princess will end up going the same way as Rosetti's did, but you never know. ;)

There were some slight grammatical errors - "ones" where it should read "one's" and so on - but nothing particularly stood out, so well done (once again) on that front as well! I look forward to Chapter Five.
Sarimbe chapter 3 . 7/23/2010
OK, um... wow.

I absolutely love Adela. I love her determination and strength and her sense of duty and honour - she seems to know herself as an ordinary person, despite the fact that everybody declares themselves as her humble servant. I also like the fact that, unlike SOME princesses we read about, she does not flout the rules simply for the sake of being 'plucky'. When she flouts the rules, she does it to attend the funeral of someone who was almost her mother. I respect that.

The part where Adela was learning about Ilsa's 'true' life was harsh. It must be difficult to realise that you only know a tiny part of someone who knew everything about you.

Anyway, I've gushed enough about this chapter. If I had one thing to critique, it would be that you tend to summarise events. Although sometimes this works well, I believe you overuse it:

"The gardeners were at work in the kitchen gardens, tending carefully to the plants, and I was forced to slow down or else draw attention to myself. I had not been in the kitchen gardens before, and hoped I could find the back gate quickly. Some of the gardeners glanced around at me – but none seemed to recognise me. And when I found the back gate, the guards there did not even look at me."

You could have done a lot more with the above paragraph. If you had described her lengthy, nerve-racking walk through the gardens, as she tries to correct her princess's walk or throws nervous glances at a suspicious-looking gardener, or if the guards had looked at her askance when she went out... you could have really heightened the sense of danger and forbidden-ness in this chapter. It was good anyway, but you missed an opportunity. It's the same with Ilsa's funeral. Instead of summarising the sermon, you could have had the priest actually say out the words, interspersing the dialogue with Adela's own reflections about Ilsa. That would have had much more of an emotional pull.

It seems fine now, but I suspect that when you get to the moments of action or tension later in the story, this summarising tendency might fail you.

But despite the amount of time I spent describing that one minor weakness, it really is minor. You're onto a good thing here - keep going! I look forward to the next chapter.

(Oh, and also... I made a grammatical error in the last review. It should have been "on to", not "onto". Sorry! :P)
Sarimbe chapter 2 . 7/23/2010
Oh God, those last few paragraphs were like being punched in the gut. :( It was so sad and unexpected. I hate you for doing it, but it also interests me.

Onto the next chapter, I think!

Oh, and I'm so sorry for not reviewing earlier. To be honest I forgot about the story until I saw it on page one this morning and remembered how good it was. I will be more consistent in future. :)
Edalene Athene chapter 3 . 7/13/2010
As always, loved it and cannot wait for more. Your perspecctive on life as translated through this story is so unique!

(btw, sorry, i forgot to log in)
PC Tonen chapter 2 . 7/3/2010
It was awesome, please update soon!
gcxcgrl chapter 2 . 7/2/2010
Oh no, poor Ilsa! And poor Adela too! Well at least I hope she picks Theresa as her chamber maid, I liked her right away. Keep updating!
gcxcgrl chapter 1 . 7/2/2010
O I like this story. I can tell already that you're a good writer just by the way you tell the story. I'll definatly keep reading this one!
Edalene Athene chapter 1 . 6/16/2010
Well, personally, I love it. You have amazing style ans the story line is looking good too. You have somehow managed to capture the tone of an old women through the experiences of a girl. Honestly, I don't know how you've done it but I look forward to more.
PC Tonen chapter 1 . 6/8/2010
I was sucked into your story as I was reading it. It was good, and very interesting and I can't wait to read more.
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