|Reviews for Fire Legend|
| Helpful person chapter 1 . 8/21/2012
Your character is a total Mary Sue. It's kinda pathetic. You should fix that.
| leathercladknight chapter 6 . 4/19/2012
Great stuff! I am really, very, impressed with you imagination and story telling skills! A few questions I would ask are these:is Emërsia a modern society or does it more resemble a more ancient one? What kind of clothes did they wear? I love the way you tied the language aspect in though I would love to know what the original name of it is called. My main note for this chapter would be that I feel like I'm not getting enough reaction from Krystal in her inner monologues. When she firsts sees the mass gathering of dragons and gifted ones, i feel like she would have had a bit more reaction. Here you have creatures that haven been thought to be myth for thousands of years standing right before her very eyes. Does it scare her? Is she in utter disbelief or wonder? Did she lose her breath or possibly even fall backwards from pure shock? It's just something to consider. This is all very good and I very much look forward to the next chapter. :]
| leathercladknight chapter 3 . 4/12/2012
So far, a fantastic piece! There are a few minor errors that can easily be identified by a quick read-through. Your First person voice is exceptional. I can tell you have given much more detail to the surroundings of the the characters in this story than the last one I read. You keep the reader wanting more by not revealing too much too soon. I can't wait to read more and give some more feedback. :]
| WishesofImmortality chapter 1 . 3/21/2011
First of all, YAY FANTASY. I'm kind of a junkie, so this excites me. :D Also, the fact that you have dragons? Also a win.
And I will read this more thoroughly and give a critique later - I have a paper due for one of my classes tomorrow morning, though, so for now I'll tell you that the first two chapters of this are really promising! (and that i'll be harassing you to work on this every time I see you from now on. ;)
| thewindymill chapter 4 . 6/14/2010
Yay for procrastination with writing :D I've done that before haha. And yay for loving my reviews! Yeah, I'm having trouble with getting reviews too; I'm getting a traffic count but no one is pressing the button :p
Response to your reply:
Thanks for reading my story in the future! I'm hardly getting reviews! I think researching anything medical for a story is really hard, especially if you have no idea what/where to look. I attempted to do that with my story but scratched it as well. Plus, it's fiction. It can be a fictitious disease/disorder :p
Okay, the boy is not helping convince me this isn't a mental ward haha. Kind of went off the deep end..but then if it is really that bad, that might be the right reaction. But still, it wasn't her fault! Okay, now the boy sounds like a grade-a jack ss :p
DON'T TAKE THE PILLS, DON'T TAK- aanndd she took them :p
I really want more interaction between Krystal and Zain. And, for some reason, the weird/creepy factor is slowly fading, which may be good or bad. All the doctors seem nice and normal, it's only Zain that seems odd. And i still want to know what the hell he meant with the necklace and why she's here in the first place! :p
Good luck with school! I'm assuming you're almost finished?
| jayci chapter 4 . 6/14/2010
I don't usually read fantasy stories, but this one's definitely got something in it that I like! The prologue was, I hope, an explanation of things to come, and I'm definitely looking forward to where you're going with it!
Your writing is easy to read, and believe me, it's a huge compliment, because otherwise, I don't even bother reading past the first couple of paragraphs!
I'm definitely looking forward to your character development, and really just to see how you take the story!
PS. Just a random aside, in Chapter two with Dr. Saunders, I watched a show with the EXACT SAME NAME. Perhaps you watched it too! "Dollhouse"?
| TheQuixoticNeophyte chapter 4 . 6/13/2010
"Back of, prick!" I tore my now red arms from his grasp and shoved his chest, causing him to stumble back a step. I was deeply disappointed I hadn't caused more damage.
-of to off
-Shoving usually isn't involved with causing damage, punching yes, kicking yes, shoving...notsomuch
barbeque lays. Yup, this was five star dining at its finest.
I grabbed the pills and swallowed
-lays to Lays, brand names
-I like the diary entry, not sure why but it just adds something to the story in my opinion
We were silent the rest of the short tip.
-tip to trip
So far it seems good, i still like it but I don't really understand all the details about her clothes. It's probably a girl thing isn't it? Anyway it's good, keep writin' blah blah blah.
| thewindymill chapter 3 . 6/10/2010
That was a quick update! I'm use to seeing updates maybe every month, not every few days. Not that I'm complaining ;) And thanks for the review reply. I've only had maybe two other authors ever do that. I think there could have been more description in the prologue and first chapter, it was far from wordy. I'm glad you've added more description :)
Okay, just fyi, my reviews (unless they're the first review for the story) are written as I read the story so I'm going to point out certain things in the text. It's a little nontraditional but it's easier for me and I think it helps the author more..maybe. Actually, they might be more confusing :p
I like how when Krystal first wakes up, she doesn't freak out. I've read situations similar to these where the main character immediately thinks something is wrong but in reality, he/she is going to think they're in a hospital or something, especially if the surrounds aren't too unusual. What you did seemed more believable.
Attacks? D mn the doctor for not giving us information..I mean give Krystal information. Actually after he gave his explanation one thought went through my head: 'liar!' ..actually as I read on maybe not :p
All of the medical stuff sounds believable so if you made it up, good job! If not, good job on homework :D
M, now what does her mom/parents know? The plot thickens! I think Dr. Reeves needs to be replaced with Dr. House.
Jeez creepy medical wing, ward place! I like where this is going, it's a good fantasy/sci-fi mix. And I'm really interested in the boy that was just introduced and what he meant. Now I really want to know what happens! Obviously this is a bad place (were they the cause of the attack?) and there has to be others besides Krystal and the guy, but why are they held in the first place? And I think this was a really good amount of description, not wordy at all. I can't wait to read more!
| thewindymill chapter 2 . 6/9/2010
Interesting story! The prologue and chapter one were drastically different and I can't decide if I like that or not haha. It's probably because of the time difference and the different point of view. I think I enjoyed the prologue more because it had more of a fantasy element to it. But I'll have to read the next chapter to find out where you take it.
I really hope Krystal won't be 'girly, girly' throughout the story. I have a feeling she won't because she sees her life is monotonous and needs to change (?). Anyway, that's just how I think the story will go, feel free to ignore it haha.
And I'm glad the chapters will be longer. I felt a lot more could have been added, but I want to read the meat of the story (so to speak). I can't wait to see what happens next, what will happen to Krystal?