Reviews for Cigarettes
we've got obsessions chapter 1 . 3/26/2011
This is dark and gorgeous and sexy. I love the imagery and the feel of it. Amazing job.
C. Tattiana H-H chapter 1 . 11/28/2010
I love your descriptions in this piece. They painted clear images in my mind that went beautifully with the flow. I especially like how it ends because it’s almost like the character’s smiling as they say it, and I think it was just a really strong way to end. Wonderful piece, Avid. :)

Review courtesy of The Review Game’s Review Marathon. For more info, visit the link on my profile.
A Kiss in the Dreamhouse chapter 1 . 10/22/2010
Somehow, within a few lines of reading your poem, I totally fell in love with the guy you were describing. Not sure how that happened - perhaps its was his honesty, attitude and accent.

As a love poem - I absolutely adored it. It's really cleanly written. Like, every word was chosen. The imagery was spot on too, with the moon in the background.

Great poem, off to check out more of your poems!
sophiesix chapter 1 . 6/24/2010
nice! love the image of the girl draped over the balcony rail and answering in silent smoke clouds. so bad but so seductive!

I'm not sure about this bit though: "You saunter over and curl your/Fingers through my hair./I seek out your lips/From your illuminated profile." For me, if you just cut to the taste, its punchier?

love the theme of being in love/addicted to someone who is bad for you, and the hypocrisy there. its because he cares that he says, and its him caring caring that makes him a hypocrite.. nice!
Arastel chapter 1 . 6/19/2010
I like the point of this poem, but I almost think that it'd work just as well if not better in the form of a short story.
PoetryQueen chapter 1 . 6/15/2010
Very well written. I like how you point out how its hard for them to listen because you smoke. This has a nice flow. Good job!
Creeping Collarbones chapter 1 . 6/15/2010
I really liked this. The picture it painted was nice. And I liked the hypocrite part. (:

I liked the touch of romance too. This was wonderful.

The only suggestion I would make is adding correct line breaks and spaces. I think it makes the poem easier to read. Or maybe that's just me. It's kind of a pet peeve.
this wild abyss chapter 1 . 6/14/2010
This was really great. I loved how you mentioned at the beginning that you'd be a hypocrite, but didn't explain until almost the end. It really drew me in and made me think. Great work!
FlamingInk57 chapter 1 . 6/14/2010
This poem is awesome. I love how clever it is. I like how you said how smoking was just as bad as her being with him. I love the ending when it say he tastes like cinemon and smoke, sweet.
MeAsIAm chapter 1 . 6/14/2010
I detest smoking. But you have managed to do something about it that I would like to read! Cheers! :D
Vroooommmmmm chapter 1 . 6/14/2010
a very good poem there...a lot of meaning...cigarette's thoughts are very well shown...nice wordings and overall a gr8 work u did...seriously u make a good poet but just you work on it...
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 6/12/2010
Nice poem. There's something strangly romantic about smoking :P This works well, I re-read it a couple of times which, to me, automatically makes it a good poem, something you can come back to. I like the "You taste like cinnamon and

Smoke"

line especially. One of the other things I like about it is it can work both ways; it can either be from a guy's POV or a girl's, depending on how the reader wants to read it. Yeah. Nice work.
seredemia chapter 1 . 6/12/2010
At first I was a bit confused with this... But I get it now! Is it about a girl telling a boy to stop smoking because it's bad for his health... But she's being a hypocrite because she's in lvoe with him, and he's bad for her..? Right? Well, if it's meant to be like that, then I think you did a neat job of showing it. I always love it when poems are in first person and it feels like the characters are actually telling it to ME.

I loved this line:

'You taste like cinnamon and

Smoke.'

I just liked how 'Smoke' was on its own line. It's nice how the girl described him like angelic, and yet he has flaws by smoking. Loved it!
BrokenDreamsBeautifulLies chapter 1 . 6/12/2010
I'm not one to review much on this website (fanfiction is another story :P), but I absolutely loved this!

-BrokenDreamsBeautifulLies
YasuRan chapter 1 . 6/11/2010
Nice. A slightly glamorised image of smoking of which I'm not wholly sure (non-smoker that I am) but it was well-written nonetheless. Good use of some seductive evocative language :)
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