|Reviews for Sun's Awakening|
| taa chapter 1 . 6/13/2010
You got to check out this story Alkaia and the Pack and ask questions like how alkaia mom, samantha and dad meet, fell in love and had alkaia?, what happened to alkaia dad?, what's alkaia mom, samantha past?, what's alkaia dad past? and what's alkaia mom, samantha and alkaia siren's form?
| Fadded chapter 1 . 6/11/2010
Oh my! Another story of yours I am reviewing lol. I also have to say: damn it, I had a sacrifice story in my mind XD. Oh well. I think I can still put it up. It is different from yours.
Now, onto critic: Again, I liked your story. You have a way with pulling a reader in. This one however, you should have checked over again. A few sentence structures were off, Spinel turned into a girl at one point in a sentence and threw me off a second. I also think he found the boy a little too quickly. Put some danger into it before you find the boy! Make it more dramatic! You probably have something planned with this mysterious boy during the journey, but having a little more drama with him sinking in the sand or prolonging this chapter before Spinel found the boy would have been a little better. It sounds a little rushed.