Reviews for my first girl lover
thefaultinourpatronus chapter 1 . 2/5/2011
I love the youthfulness and adolescence-ness (in a good way) of this! I think it's really interesting how you make certain syllables of the word italicized. Really cool :)

x mandy

~review marathon, link on my profile~
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 2/4/2011
How have I not read this yet? Shameful, shameful.

Interesting way to start a collection. It seems like each is going to be interconnected, all about this one girl/experience, so the first two lines were a nifty little hook to that.

[how do I

fuck her?] I love this line, especially how you put it out in the middle of nowhere. It seems to me to be a lurking insecurity in the speaker's mind.

[ndetween mine. smoking

at the tops of Farris wheels.] I can tell these were intentionally spelled wrong, but I'm not getting the reasons.

While I loved the beginning half and second half separately (first has brilliant descriptions and second has some great rawness and really gets into the emotions of embracing homosexuality for the first time), I felt like there needed to be more of a transition in-between. The tones were so entirely different that I couldn't picture the girl making such a jump in her mind.

~Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
cab fed hig chapter 2 . 1/19/2011
you write this subject so well.

you've made it so that i'm interested in hearing everything you have to say.

what a gift
in the city of neon and chrome chapter 1 . 11/5/2010
LAWLZ that was my rection when i first started fucking girls too.
Kismet Ironsights chapter 7 . 10/26/2010
Oh my god.

That was so powerful.

I'm still reeling. I need a moment.

Usually I'm opposed to profanity in prose, but fuck me if you don't pull it off beautifully. My best friend loves this kind of poetry and I'm recommending it to her as we speak.

(You've also inspired me to post the rough draft of another lesbian poem currently sitting in my binder now. Danke, Leibe.)
Lux d'Marcs chapter 4 . 6/18/2010
It is unfathomably strange how well I relate to all of this. It reminds me very much of the first girl I fell in love with. If this is based on reality, congratulations on putting words to such an experience. I'll be looking at more of your work in the future.
themanicurist chapter 4 . 6/13/2010
can't wait to see what this summer does to your writing: it's gonna be insane and thrilling
Faithless Juliet chapter 3 . 6/13/2010
Not only do you describe drugs in this, but the piece feels a bit intoxicated with its business, not my favorite in this little series if I'm being honest, but I did enjoy the last few lines. Keep up the good work.

Much love,

Faithless Juliet chapter 2 . 6/13/2010
Not as idealistic as the first entry, this one felt more open and fluid, mote like a diary entry.

The Immoralist chapter 3 . 6/13/2010
this is definitely a favorite of mine already. in chapter 3, i didn't notice some of the lines at first (for example, the very first line) but that seemed appropriate.

this is beautiful.
Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 6/13/2010
I like how you presented this awkward idea of how you go about fucking her; others wouldn't have been able to handle that and nor make it sound childish but you did a good job here. I also loved all of the little images, like the two of them smoking on the ferries wheel, I could just imagine the giddy youthfulness of it. Nice job.