|Reviews for Supernatural Problems|
| Werekid chapter 9 . 7/7/2011
Yes! I have waited too long! I love your stories, but is it just me or did this chapter seem a bit rushed? Anyway, thank you for this lovely chapter and I can't wait to see what's next!
| Werekid chapter 8 . 6/30/2011
Wow. Umm, I think I just got sucked into yet another of your awesome mini-books.
| partialtodifference chapter 8 . 6/30/2011
Ooooooo... so interesting! Very intriguing! Keep going!
| 2muchreading chapter 8 . 6/25/2011
Love this story. I also like the way you have turned Nat getting kidnapped into a different twix. I can't wait for another update. Ryan just seems a little to good to be true. Marcus has let Nat know exactly what he is and his life - can't wait to see how this turns out. And Jacob, I think there is a story to him also. Keep up the good work.
| chaoticwisdom chapter 7 . 6/22/2011
Interesting! Can't wait to read more!
| LB chapter 7 . 6/20/2011
I really like this story and I am glad it is more complex than the usual kidnapping romance stories written. However, why is it that in most stories the girl can simply forgive/forget/ get over the fact that they have been taken away from their family and home. I guess family and home mean so much to me that I cannot imagine just getting over it so quickly. I understand that Marcus has been decent, but decent shouldn't just cut it. He should have to work A LOT harder to gain Nat's trust, respect, kindness, and love. I do like Ryan though, sounds like a cutie!
| 2muchreading chapter 7 . 6/19/2011
Just now run across this story and had to read all 7 chapters at once. I'm soooooo glad she has found her power and hope she gives Jacob what he deserves! Can' wait for the next chapter. Thanks for sharing your story.
| partialtodifference chapter 3 . 6/6/2011
I just discovered your story, so I didn't get a chance to see how the previous version was. I can tell you though, that I like this version very much and I can;t wait to read the next installments.
| Selene Hime chapter 1 . 10/20/2010
Aww ... I was going to reread your story, but I see you've begun revising it. I noticed small improvements in the first few chapters, but I noticed during the last few chapters that there was a notable quality improvement as well. I will be looking forward to when you reupload all of these chapters, though. _
| KMx0x chapter 2 . 6/24/2010
I like this. Even though Marcus is looney. (:
| Lady Lucia chapter 2 . 6/23/2010
GAH! o_O Thanks for all those mental images and sensations of pain! ...with weird twists of sick pleasure...
I think there has to be more than the you-don't-believe-in-us-so-we're-going-to-torture-you reason for this to happen to Nat...o.o
"It's fine. You didn't sleep well last night, did you?" I nodded. "Here. Have a dollar. Buy a coke and have my chocolate bar. You need some caffeine if you're going to make it through the day alive. It's suicide to fall asleep in Zent's Calculus class."
Again I thought Nat was the one doing the talking when it was her friend! .
"Luckily there wasn't much of a chance to talk in band; our director actually managed to keep us playing the entire hour."
Haha! That reminds me of my band days in high school...yeah, sometimes our director would just talk ALL damn period long and I would fall asleep on my stand...or at least I wish I could...
"There was a noise in the bushes off to my left and I jumped, then realized it was just a squirrel. Nothing to worry about."
Earlier you mentioned that she had her mp3 on...how could she hear stuff? Maybe mention she turned it off or it was playing the music really low or something.
"It's a good thing you're a pretty love."
I like that a lot :D
"Then he ripped my shirt and slipped the knife into the skin of my back, carving away. Pained noises came from deep in my throat, but I refused to scream again."
For something so brutal (and significant since she's being marked), I think it was mentioned way too subtle like. I almost missed the action of the guy cutting her back. I wish you could add just a bit more details like...where and how did the guy rip off her shirt? Where on her back did he carve the thing?
Another thing...WHAT is the carving? I'm really curious as to what it is and its significance and whatnot...AH! Thoughts of it being reopened with claws and fire are floating in my mind! Make me flinch! No joke...
"but I couldn't a sound"
Typo! Only one compared to my 2569845702356...
Oh yeah...you mention Nat covering her bare breasts when she turned to the vampire, but you never mentioned anything about her bra being taken off, just her shirt. Maybe bring in her bra being stripped off in the same scene as when her shirt did? You can also use that as fuel to Nat's fear like you did when her pants were taken off...
"He leaned past my face and licked some of the dried blood off of my ear. I gasped and fought the mild feeling of pleasure as he ran his tongue over one of those pleasure points that everybody has."
I think "that everybody has" ruined that sentence. It was so...evily sexy (...yeah not a word...I think) but I don't know why...but the ending of that sentence was a total turn off...no pun intended.
Well...nice chapter...as nice as torture can get. Very interesting chapter that raised questions that I hoped get answered very quickly!
| Badger In Disguise chapter 2 . 6/23/2010
I can't wait for the next update. I read the original, so I hope to see some of the changes you'll make to the story. Great so far, and I'm glad you kept some of my favorite lines in there. :D
| Lady Lucia chapter 1 . 6/21/2010
So I totally thought I was logged in when I left you that review...*sigh*...goes to show you how sleepy I am...anyways...just so you know...it was me! :P
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/21/2010
Aw...I wanted to sit down and read this story, but then I saw that you have taken it down and have begun revisions. I will be your first review! I hope...anyway...*ahem*
The most part this chapter had a nice flow. I think you could do without the phone conversation opening. Having Natalie by her window waiting for the ghost to come out or something seems to make more sense because the phone conversation thing seems really abrupt to me, and it wasn't until she was racing out to the backyard that I started seeing the nice flow I mentioned.
Also...I wish you gave a description of the ghostie! I was waiting for it through out the chapter, especially when the ghost screamed at her. I also think you could have added more details in describing her frightened state during that scene...I don't know...I just like details even though I don't provide it all that much in my stories. XD
These are all just suggestions based on my own personal tastes, so you shouldn't really take it to heart all that much.
However, I did enjoy reading this chapter. I would have gotten to it sooner, but my boyfriend bought me Final Fantasy XI, and let's just say...I have about 30 hours of playtime on that thing...
Anyways...guess I'll see what's up with your other stories you're working on...*scuttles*