Are you not writing anymore? I used to read your work under a different account (though i never reviewed cause im pretty much terrible at them) I wish there was something new to read! I have loved your work for several years now. You're one of my favorite authors here. I came to peruse your stuff hoping for inspiration on my novel. I love your style. I like thats its fresh and real but artful and creative. ugh, see what i mean? what does that even mean?

anyway. i hope youre still writing!

"I wanted to be notorious, too."

The core of human's social nature.

I really liked that there were some phrases and sentences that were perfect quotable material (like that one above), and it stems from the type of narrative-which is very fresh and different, btw. Not your average "he did this, I did that, my friend blinked."

That's a very strange and convenient relationship they have. I wonder if we'll eventually see how things got this way, or if this is truly the starting point.

Also, another thing I wanted to note is that even though I'm normally not a fan of so many line breaks (or more like the abrupt changes of pace and setting they bring), you really pulled them off here. Each small part complimented and accentuated the larger ones. It was very good. But I hope it won't be the same all the time haha. :P

Best Wishes from AG

PS. No time to proof read. Must rush to watch tv show!

Also, this line: "Of course I'm keeping it. It's Anderson's. I kept everything he ever gave me." took my breath away. Something about it just hit me really really hard.

Wow. Just wow.

Jules, this is amazing! I don't even quite know what to think, I'm still busy picking my jaw up off of the floor and wiping away the drool that I've produced due to my jealousy of your incredibly knack for description.

All of the characters seem so real and three-dimensional, even though we know so little about them. I love and hate Darla at the same time. She's kind of irresistible, while still forcing you to want to not like her. I don't know how I feel about Ochuwa, and I find myself liking Anderson even though he is obviously a bit of a problem for the MC. Wow. That's the only word I can think of. My mind blown.

Another great chapter. I just love your descriptions. I wish I could say more but I'm kind of out of it right now. Everyone's so screwed up it's awesome. I can't wait to see where you're taking this.

Gah, you hag. I love this already. The tone is wonderful and downright grungy. And the way you handle your words-amazing. Truly amazing. I have too many favorite lines in this.

To tell you the truth, though, I think it's a shame this whole thing has been dubbed "Chapter 1"-I wonder if it would be better to break this chapter into even more chapters, based on the number of line breaks you have here. So...small chapters. Kind of like a pillow book, but not really. :P

Anyway, I'm really looking forward to seeing the motivation behind them acting like they're lesbians. The protag's gotta have more of a reason than her being able to say, "Sorry, I have a girlfriend." I mean, she can say that even without having a girlfriend. Why is she really doing this? Could she actually be bisexual? Or a lesbian? But that wouldn't work, because already I feel as if there's this hot chemistry between her and Jack. And they've said so little to each other! Definitely want to see where that goes.

And Darla is such a weird-awesome character. She kinda-sorta reminds me of Darla from Fight Club. Someone grungy like that. She kinda scares the crap out of me.

Anyway, good job with the first chapter. More, please, so we can get a better look at your characters and your wonderful writing style! :P

Quinnifer

Wow, already I love this story and I can't wait for more! Your style of writing is very distinct; it kind of reminds me of Mark Haddon's "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime." Already I can tell that your characters aren't the usual cliche over-rated ones, these are characters that we can relate to as the story progresses...or so I think. *clicks the little subscribe button*

"For a few moments, I think she'll pop them into her mouth." Holy smokes. I was gripping my chair just for that. I love that you manage to take these little glimpes into 'real life' and make them so captivating.

"Find me even if I shimmy up the air vent." -snorts- I love that. Darla's a tracker. The speaker prefers to watch.

I liked the no vacancy/fuck you part when the speaker describes their hand-holding practices.

"Sometimes I like texture better than human beings." Derrida would be proud of you.

"I'm less of one." Oh, I like this very much. Ochuwa frightens the speaker - practically gelds him with a gaze.

"How the springs would creak." What I love best about this piece is the little snippets of the speaker's real feelings/thoughts (about Darla and Jack).

Wow, it's so intense! I love it!

Very good story. Very well written. The writing style is, indeed, a bit displaced and choppy but that ties in directly to the direction of the story. Life is crazy, and this story tells a perfectly believable one. Good work! :D

Wow this is amazing. I'm always impressed with your skill, I really am. You're very good for your age, missy. :D I love this. Just the language and the choppiness and disorientation. It may not be everyone's cup of tea but it really works for this story. Everyone's so messed up, I love it. Keep up the good work.