Reviews for Last One
lipleaf chapter 1 . 7/18/2010
I love the down-to-earth, realistic feel of this piece. You capture a single moment, one that has happened many times, and eloquently put into words something that many people can relate to. You turn it into an experience. I would usually recommend adding more emotion, but in this case the almost detached tone of this piece allows the reader to fill in the blanks with their own emotions and make it unique to themselves. It's interesting how something that's personal to you can be interpreted to fit a million different people.

The way you personify the secret is well done. Your word choice feels so gentle and soft. The use of "flutters" seems to portray innocence and naivety, like the subject of the poem was foolish to even bother hoping because it's obvious nothing's going to change. I think you might want to add some commas in a few places, but other than that, nicely done.
4tehlessthan3of0scoreintennis chapter 1 . 6/18/2010
that sucks. I can kinda relate; my cousin does the same thing. I don't understand it either. "/
Isca chapter 1 . 6/18/2010
I love that the "Last one" opening contrasts the "She lights another cigarette" ending. Clearly, her 'whispered promises in the dead of night' don't count for much.
Lili Grey chapter 1 . 6/18/2010
Lovely. The imagery was very well done and I liked it so much I read it a second time. I didn't quite understand why some lines ended where they did - I feel it messed with the flow in some places. Overall a beautifully poetic snapshot.