|Reviews for ZRI|
| Counting Petals chapter 1 . 7/2/2010
Yeah, this is more of what I had in mind. There's a lot more going on, and it's not as passive as in the opening you had before. It also places more emphasis on the importance of the box, and gives us a little bit more of a taste of what is to come. The only thing I really have to point out is that you're missing a lot of quotation marks. I'd go back over this again real quick, just to fix that.
| Counting Petals chapter 1 . 6/29/2010
This opening could be much more dynamic. Right now, it feels like a laundry list instead of something that could grab the reader. I would probably just start with the box, which has a lot more potential to grab the reader than the, "This is my day. It's the same every day," routine you have going on right now.
| MissAme chapter 12 . 6/22/2010
...OH MY GOD! seriously? ugh! That was a really good chap! Well Belle didn't last that long... again I know you told us that it changes but you should still put Ethan's POV and Zeke's POV just because it can be confusing if the person is reading and they have to suddenly get out of the story to make sure they know who's talking. Can't wait to see what happens! _
| MissAme chapter 11 . 6/22/2010
Aw Ethan D: you poor angsty person! D: I wanna give thee a hug! But it's not like Zeke had a choice! He couldn't just tell Ethan "Oh by the way your dad left without telling you and he may or may not come back because he might die. But there's still a small chance so hold on to that because it might be all you got of him." Yea No! argh! secrets do NOT make friends! *fumes in corner for about 5 minutes*
Ok sorry about that... No cliffies! D: boo! Ame not happy! D: bad host! bad!
| MissAme chapter 9 . 6/22/2010
Wait, wait, wait, wait... Why is Ethan pissed? It seems that Zeke is trying to protect him D: I'm confused slightly still. You might also want to tell the audience at the beginning that this is Ethan's POV because I started reading and I was like... wait HUH? So just a thought I like the way Ethan thinks I can't really explain it but I like him, I think he's my favorite character. Hmm I wonder what their dad's are up to... interesting...
Oh and I did like the little blurbs of the class periods, an interesting, new way of reading.
| MissAme chapter 3 . 6/19/2010
Wow your description of school just makes me so glad I'm gone and it was making me miss falling asleep in class lol. I like how you write in 1st person, it's always difficult for me, but you seem to pull it off quite well. Zeke is a quite lovable character with his pessimistic thoughts and such lol. And Ethan seems like an interesting character as well I'd like to see where the two of them go. The chapters are a tad too short for me, but I'm the kind of person who likes to read and not stop anytime soon lol. I can't wait to see where this goes! It'll be really interesting to watch the characters mature and the story line develop.