|Reviews for Thewhimsicalbard, Too|
| the girl julianna chapter 1 . 7/24/2010
I really loved the ending - hic. It was beautifully written. I loved this part:
guilty once again.
| JuniperRhose chapter 1 . 6/28/2010
I like the "hic" at the end and the lines "we're all held guilty of normalcy/until proven innocent."
I also loved the title.
It didn't seem to flow as well as the first one I reviewed though... but I still liked it. :)
| in theory chapter 1 . 6/23/2010
I love your use of the word normalcy, however using it twice while they're so close to each other is obvious and detracts from its impact. I actually prefer it in the line, 'I'm innocent of normalcy,' for the phonological aspect, and wonder if there could be an equally perfect synonym for 'we're all held guilty of *normalcy*'?
You seem to waiver with your format, at times in complete control and at others it seems to take over the words. Not in itself a negative, just a thought.
It's thought-provoking, overall. I like.
| drink me pretty chapter 1 . 6/22/2010
Very interesting piece, here.
I love the overall theme of innocent vs guilty,
especially over a topic as ambiguous as 'normalcy'.
I get the feeling that the speaker does not enjoy
the fact that he is not alone, or new, to the concept
of heartache. I very much get the notion that the
speaker would prefer to be different from the mass
portion of humanity suffering from such a feeling,
and it further frustrates him that he is not.
This is most evident in the line: "I sit all day,
eating cliches straight out of the tub and taking
shots of sadness by myself". But, most of all, I like
that the source of the speaker's conflicted anguish
is revealed only at the very end-"the only flaws
are the women who use me".
Ah, poignant and even caustic at parts,
this was a work of yours I very much enjoyed.
| Isca chapter 1 . 6/21/2010
"Machinations." Good vocab.
"Hic." I love this little Latinate allusion. Here: pain-drunk, you-drunk. It makes this part so much more profound.
"The only flaws are the women who use me." I like how this connects to "hic" again-as thought the speaker is saying" here. Right here. This is where my pain is stored.
| Negasi chapter 1 . 6/21/2010
Welcome back! Good to have my good reviewer buddy back! Now you just need to write more because I have a lot more to review than you do xD! :P.
This is what needs to be addressed. I am so in love with this part, it's like what I imagine to be the stupid villian in any cliche movie to be thinking after he downs a whole bottle of alcohol. It just seems so realistic and to do that in a piece of writing I muchly respect that. It's like you took the thoughts of someone drunk and ripped them out of their head, placing it right on the paper in their unaltered state!
| greenforests chapter 1 . 6/20/2010
I loved this it was so forthcoming and the story just flew.
that was my favorite part.