Reviews for Thewhimsicalbard, Too
artofjula chapter 1 . 7/24/2010
I really loved the ending - hic. It was beautifully written. I loved this part:

Drunk, drunk,

drunk, drunk,

hic

liquor-drunk,

pain-drunk,

wine-drunk,

you-drunk.

Now I'm

guilty once again.

Great stuff.
JuniperRhose chapter 1 . 6/28/2010
I like the "hic" at the end and the lines "we're all held guilty of normalcy/until proven innocent."

I also loved the title.

It didn't seem to flow as well as the first one I reviewed though... but I still liked it. :)
in theory chapter 1 . 6/23/2010
I love your use of the word normalcy, however using it twice while they're so close to each other is obvious and detracts from its impact. I actually prefer it in the line, 'I'm innocent of normalcy,' for the phonological aspect, and wonder if there could be an equally perfect synonym for 'we're all held guilty of *normalcy*'?

You seem to waiver with your format, at times in complete control and at others it seems to take over the words. Not in itself a negative, just a thought.

It's thought-provoking, overall. I like.

Jack
drink me pretty chapter 1 . 6/22/2010
Very interesting piece, here.

I love the overall theme of innocent vs guilty,

especially over a topic as ambiguous as 'normalcy'.

I get the feeling that the speaker does not enjoy

the fact that he is not alone, or new, to the concept

of heartache. I very much get the notion that the

speaker would prefer to be different from the mass

portion of humanity suffering from such a feeling,

and it further frustrates him that he is not.

This is most evident in the line: "I sit all day,

eating cliches straight out of the tub and taking

shots of sadness by myself". But, most of all, I like

that the source of the speaker's conflicted anguish

is revealed only at the very end-"the only flaws

are the women who use me".

Ah, poignant and even caustic at parts,

this was a work of yours I very much enjoyed.
Isca chapter 1 . 6/21/2010
"Machinations." Good vocab.

"Hic." I love this little Latinate allusion. Here: pain-drunk, you-drunk. It makes this part so much more profound.

"The only flaws are the women who use me." I like how this connects to "hic" again-as thought the speaker is saying" here. Right here. This is where my pain is stored.
Negasi chapter 1 . 6/21/2010
Welcome back! Good to have my good reviewer buddy back! Now you just need to write more because I have a lot more to review than you do xD! :P.

Drunk, drunk,

drunk, drunk,

hic

liquor-drunk,

pain-drunk,

wine-drunk,

you-drunk.

This is what needs to be addressed. I am so in love with this part, it's like what I imagine to be the stupid villian in any cliche movie to be thinking after he downs a whole bottle of alcohol. It just seems so realistic and to do that in a piece of writing I muchly respect that. It's like you took the thoughts of someone drunk and ripped them out of their head, placing it right on the paper in their unaltered state!

Excellent!
greenforests chapter 1 . 6/20/2010
I loved this it was so forthcoming and the story just flew.

"liquor-drunk,

pain-drunk,

wine-drunk,

you-drunk."

that was my favorite part.