Reviews for Go Bad
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 8/3/2010
Wow, this is's really good! The imagery is striking and powerful, and everything works well together. It really draws you in, especially with the biblical quote at the start. I loved the feeling it created, that kind of 'where is this going', almost fear for the characters involved. I don't know, maybe that's just me :P But yeah, great poem. Nice work.

-from The Roadhouse
english summer rain chapter 1 . 7/13/2010
lookingwest chapter 1 . 6/24/2010
From RH

Oh, opening with a Bible quote-in Hebrew nonetheless, that's some heavy shit right there my friend. And I have no Bible background other than the very basics, so out of what context those words come, I do not know, but that's a pretty vivid bit right there, and I am too lazy to go reach for my Bible, XD. I think the quote sets a serious tone though.

Alright, so first stanza, already, I feel like this was inspired from Henry Jame's Daisy Miller: A Study-you gotta read it if you haven't, it's just a short story. :D Love the intensity of the first stanza too, it's so forceful. I feel like this is going to be a favorite...

Second stanza...yeah. *clicks to favorite list* That is the most awesomest metaphorical bunch of metaphors to describe a girl I've ever seen. Love it! I like the switch to "Jill" instead of "Jack" and tortilla chips make me think of parties or a night out on the town for some reason, so that "burn rubber" line comes off strong, like leaving with a bang, even though it's only the second line-plus you paired it with the image "kick my ass" so...

Ack, I disliked TB's Alice in Wonderland version, but I like the reference with "Underland", it was clever and to those who have read Carroll/seen the new film, it definitley hawks up a bunch of vivid images.

Wise decision to capitalize the repeated third verse, added desperation and gives the speaker a definite narrative voice.

Woah, nice play with the ba ba black sheep bit. You're always so clever when you play on original rhymes! It's like your trademark, XD. If there was a "clever plays on original well-known rhymes competition" you would kick everyone's ass. Like the image you brought up of Cinderella, because even though it wasn't outright, you also brought the image of Alice to me before, so comparing to different women and drawing those comparisons is fun to pick up on.

The stanza after the black sheep one draws the poem to a scarier more frightening tone. Even with the mention of the nose job, once the idea of the subject woman being too thin and still a virgin and everything definitley brings to mind a certain stereotype of the pure model or performer. And the speaker takes on a new level of predatory action.

Love how you ended, and I like the "epidermis thin pages" bit, that stanza was wondering in the fourth and fifth lines. Loved the onomatopoeia work with "Dai-ai-aisy"-your poetry writing is so diverse. It's chuck full of so many literary devices! Love the end too, and the second to last stanza made the idea of the speaker maybe being older than the subject apparent to me. This is an overall wonderful piece, and you can continue to be vainglorious, :D
WutNow chapter 1 . 6/24/2010
Here from the Roadhouse

I was a little off-guard when I read this because I felt as if it was a rap song that I couldn't pronounce because of my lisp XD! But as I read on, I really enjoyed the rhyming scheme, especially the parts with Daisy in them haha. I found it interesting how the beginning gave some sort of biblical message in the beginning, and how it contrasted from some of the sexual phrases below it. It was such a huge departure that I had to reread it a few times to understand and link things together haha. Though I liked the message, I struggled to read the lines from stanza to stanza because I felt I had to pause after each sentence. Maybe it is just me and my lack of experiencing reading a poem with such a unique format, so I apologize for that haha. I also liked how innocent the name Daisy is... so pure... and from my interpretation, is being soiled by the person... I don't know.. serenading to her? Lol. Overall, I enjoyed it :)

Variable estrella chapter 1 . 6/23/2010
Ah! This is be-you-ti-ful!

To be specific, your flow is splendid. You always break off the lines in compelling and rhythmic ways. The "Daisy" parts especially, with the internal rhyme, have a very strong rhythm.

Your word choice is also very interesting. I like the way you play with language: "here is my handle and here is my shout", "Jill-o-lantern", "telephone chord" : by twisting around a well known phrase, the meaning becomes kind of...striking.

Oh, and nice use of imagery; "look at the dust/ on my epidermis thin pages" is one of my favorites. All in all, you've created a wonderfully dark, original piece here!
in theory chapter 1 . 6/23/2010
Parts of the format choice were just so perfect, but other parts seemed a bit misplaced? Misformed? I don't know what the term is. But mainly I mean the 3x 'tortilla' with the final in black, I completely do not understand why you chose to do that? It distracted me. I enjoyed the nursery rhyme manipulation, you pulled that off absolutely. The italics began to lose importance the more you used it, I won't say it became redundant or annoying but it did become predictable.

thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 6/20/2010
Dee, I gotta say I hate reviewing you because you are much freaking BETTER than I am-it takes me at least three reads to scratch the surface of any of your pieces.

This one took five.

I can tell that there is a lot of sexuality in this piece, or at least a great deal is implied. Your sense of flow is fantastic-I read the entire thing through five times and there was only one thing that through me off. There is no ending to the parenthetical expression that begins "(Ba ba black sheep..."

I loved the little song-like stanzas that included Daisy's name. I don't know why, but this song really reminded me of Kings of Leon's "Seventeen."

The biblical reference at the beginning added a whole extra layer to think about.

Overall, a fantastic job, and I love your poetry. It is so deep and so in-depth. I read mine and I feel like I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve-childish, in a word.

Review Game - Poems - Easy Fix

Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 6/20/2010
Coming to you from the Review Game's Review Marathon! (link on profile)

I don't know how you do it, Dee, but when I read your free verse stuff and, while reading, hear the words play together in my head, the formatting just makes so much sense. Looking at it, you'd never expect the words to roll of the tongue in such a connected way, but it does. I loved that about this piece.

I also like how it's so easy for me to recognize this as yours. I haven't read too many of your pieces, but I think I could spot one from a mile away. You've definitely got your own style, and it's so refreshing to read!