Reviews for The Mystery Of The Seven Circles
MeAsIAm chapter 1 . 7/1/2010
You start off on an interesting note.

face which was covered by black curly hair

- edit as : face which was covered with curly black hair.

huge yellow colored star

- can omit 'coloured'

in quite an

- 'quite' seems unnecessary

He was Inspector Rax. He was one of the most courageous officers

- Edit as Inspector Rax was one of the most

'He was Inspector Rax.' seems forced.

streaked with red in some places. He wore a

- Merge the two sentences by replacing the period by a comma or edit the first sentence by adding 'He was a tall man..'

He wore a black blazer underneath which was a white shirt and he also wore a black trouser.

- This sentence does not come off right.

Rephrase it as - He wore a black blazer on a white shirt, paired with black trousers.

We are five of them."

- This does not sound right.

Integrate it in the earlier sentence as

'We five do everything...'

I will inform them of your plight

- Plight sounds a little odd in my opinion. I think 'case' will sound better here.

Hah, interesting case.

Can we see Insp. Rax soon?

- via the roadhouse
Alice Novak chapter 1 . 6/22/2010
Hiya! Congrats on this new story!

I must point out that there's too much description in the opening, you need to add narration!

The dialogue is very precise and realistic throughout the entire chapter! Well done!

And I noticed that your writing has matured..

I can't really say how, but I can feel it! XD

Deli .x