Reviews for Dividing Line
violetnorthman chapter 41 . 2/19/2013
This makes me so sad! I really really want to finish this story bc it is so good and I was excited bc I only had one chapter left and then I saw this and I don't know what I will do if I can't finish this story. Please please please consider posting the rest on this site! It's so good and I love everything about it!
lrstar123 chapter 1 . 2/7/2012
This is a really interesting story. You've got a lot of promise as a writer, and apart from a few grammatical mistakes here and there, it flows nicely. Just some things in case you ever decide to redo the story or edit it or whatever; it's far too long. This story should be something like 30-40 chapters, and in those 30-40 chapters you should be able to resolve the werewolf hunter, the decision between nick and heath, learning more about her father. You could then do a sequel where she resolves all her family issues regarding her dad and brother. It just gets waaayy too long and repetitive and frankly boring when there are 40 chapters and not one of the issues brought up during the story have been resolved! she hasn't even put erica in her place! It's kinda crazy. You should just cut major chunks out of this story, condense it, not have nearly so many dreams and random strands of the plot that don't really get brought up again. If you made it a lot more concise, this story would be a hundred times better, and i'd imagine it'd be one of the best on fictionpress.

The other issue is Heath. Why is he undergoing so many personality changes? You've made him seem like a really sweet guy in the beginning, then he acts like a total jerk for a week or two with erica, and then BAM! back to being really sweet and considerate again. Your characters should remain consistent throughout the story, otherwise it's just plain confusing.

At times you don't make it clear what form she is in i.e. human or werewolf. It's often really bizarre to see she's talking when the last you read she was a werewolf. You probably want to be a lot more clear about the state she's in. Also, there were times when she was a werewolf when nick would say something, and it'd be totally out of the blue that he was there at all. (and this doesn't include those times where you specifically say he crept up on her). Alex would be having a conversation with someone like Sam, and then all of a sudden during the argument you'd have nick say something, and it'd be like 'whoa, since when was he there?' Again, just really confusing when you're reading. You start backtracking and rereading what you've just read to see what you missed, and it's just annoying and detracts from what is otherwise a fascinating story.

Please don't lose heart over this review! I really did like this story, and if you ever did make my changes I'd love to read it again. Just the way it is at the moment, I couldn't imagine going to the effort of reading another three sequels, even though I reaallllyy want to know what happens. Keep writing though!
Ray Anne chapter 40 . 1/6/2012
I did...enjoy reading this. It has quite a lot of interesting plots. However reading there are four more novels of it...Wow. I cannot see it staying to the same standard. I will perhaps start your second one out of curiousity but all the same if you don't get comments with my name on your next novels I still would like you to know you've got a good set of characters and a lovely story going on (if a bit wayward).
Blanc Casse chapter 34 . 9/8/2011
Way to screw up your chances for the Good Parenting Awards there, mom...
Blanc Casse chapter 32 . 9/8/2011
Haaaahaha, she gets panic attacks from being touched! Priceless!
Blanc Casse chapter 14 . 9/7/2011
Hey, been reading your story for a while and I like it. It's sort of confusing at times but I think I'm starting to get the gist of it :D

Alex is so cool, I have a thing for bossy, strong, sarcastic female characters ;)))

What pisses me off in this ch. is the principle interrogating a minor without parents and an attorney present, which I know for a fact is inadmissable in court not to mention illegal (heh, watching way too much Suits I think, lol)... I mean the nerve... I would've gone all righteous on her, accusing her of everything from harassment to discrimination. But Alex doesn't seem to care enough to bother, hahaha!
The Imagination Addict chapter 40 . 6/24/2011
noooo why is she such a sucker for heath? anw, i think the ending of ur first book is fantastic for a movie, but a wee bit abrupt for a book. total cliffhanger. no closed resolution at all. fantastic work.
The Imagination Addict chapter 38 . 6/24/2011
i LOOOOOVE chase!
The Imagination Addict chapter 35 . 6/24/2011
wow. i think heath is really annoying. i hate how she keeps forgiving him. she's so dumb about this! and his excuse for kissing the other girl is SO LAME. ARGH. idk why, but i actually hope she gets w her stalker.
The Imagination Addict chapter 32 . 6/24/2011
HAHAHA i really like this bit where alex fakes a fear of physical contact
The Imagination Addict chapter 22 . 6/24/2011
alex is a very complex n intriguing character. this has me HOOKED. great job on the story :) i think she and her brother are the most interesting characters in this book. n i find their relationship very fascinating
The Imagination Addict chapter 9 . 6/23/2011
ur story's really interesting so far! :) you're quite skillful with the way u use the english language :) not as good as charliej and Jennyt82 but still one of the better works. n the plot's really good so far. you've got the whole subtlety n suspense thing going for you.
DefineThat chapter 7 . 6/16/2011
So why would a Hunter be *Smelling* someone that's a Wolf trait not a Human thing ! So are the Hunters just other wolfs? That doesn't explain why they don't fight back with Strength ! I Love the story coz it keeps me wanting more.

Yet, somethings are left so *Vague* well its just the start I guess , Tip of the ice so we'll see )
UnderwaterChild chapter 40 . 6/12/2011
This is the first werewolf story I've ever read on fictionpress and I'm glad I chose this one. I really like it. I was really hoping to see Chase in the end and I was sad when Sam left. Oh well... I'm off to read Forging Ahead now that I'm done!
Devilish Kisses chapter 40 . 5/4/2011
That was amazing! Wicked great story!
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