|Reviews for Divide: A Single Celled Love Story|
| Lee Daniel chapter 1 . 7/6/2010
I absolutely love this. It is so funny when you consider the main characters and what they are, but at the same time you capture real drama and emotions. I actually found myself pulled into the life of single celled organisms.
| improvisationallychallenged chapter 1 . 6/26/2010
I. Loved. This.
This is a really strong, fresh idea. The sense of the scene was woven in really well to the action, and the characters, while single celled organisms, were really sweet and had an excellent chemistry.
This line in particular cracked me up:
"On the contrary, with another nucleus I'll have more mind than ever!"
It was fun, cheeky, and smart. This is definitely going on my favourites list...
Good luck in Write the Wrong _
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 6/26/2010
...that, you-know-you-want-to look.
-Edit: would omit the comma after "that"
...why don't you just ever listen to me?
-Style Edit: would place "ever" in front of "you" instead
While I was reading this, honestly, I had no idea what was happening, and it forced me to concentrate a lot more because I thought I would need to understand-but then it turns out that by the end, I think it sort of made more sense. Or at least, I feel like I understood it, XD, the thing that threw me off was just that the characters didn't have physical bodies to me, and I couldn't picture them. Plus, the girl-character was named "Tiffany" which made me think she had a human form. If there was one CC I would give to that, I'd say to change her name to something more like "Proteus" because otherwise it just doesn't jive with the rest of the piece and it threw me off. But I don't mind the ambiguity or anything, because geez, my piece was very minimalist, XD. I like pieces that make me think.
Anyway, as far as writing style I liked that it was in present tense because I don't read those very often, and I would expect no less from someone in this competition-it stayed perfectly consistent. This was really polished in the editing too so I don't have a lot of critique there other than what I mentioned above.
The dialogue was realistic and also consistent, and the speaker tags were edited perfectly. I think you kept the discourse of the narrative consistent too. I almost started to make a note about one of the narrative sentences: "I take a deep gasp of oxygen and let it filter." as being much too technical, but then I realized that it was the style and discourse you were using, and you managed to continue that sort of language throughout the submission so it didn't sound forced or awkward. Best of luck, I think this is a well rounded piece and features a steady plot and characters, just perhaps lacking in the description of setting and physical characters in relation to that space. I just couldn't picture it in my mind. But that's not really a bad thing for me either-it was more abstract, which I found original. Oh-and the pace was also consistent and enjoyable, it didn't slow or get boring in many places and was mostly dialogue driven. Again, best of luck!
| asianinvasion0530 chapter 1 . 6/26/2010
Wow that was refreshingly interesting and very creative. I liked it. ]
| LilyLouu chapter 1 . 6/26/2010
See, I love this. It's like an evolution sit-com :D
I see what Chesterfield says, about the reader having a hard time keeping up, but I think it's educational.
You should totally get the most points for originality.
I love this bit "I like the nucleus you have now", it's just... awh.
Super-sweet. I didn't realise amoebas were so cutesy :P
| Chesterfield chapter 1 . 6/26/2010
This is really cute. Unique, fun, original. Whoever thought a story about single-celled organisms could be so multi-dimensional? I was a little thrown by the name "Tiffany" in comparison to "Proteus", but then I reconsidered and decided that was all part of the charm. (I should stop attempting to put realism into a story about amoebas.)
I might try to accuse you of neglecting your reader who may have a difficult time following along with all the quick quips. Though, I'm probably just overreacting. Nice work; you put out a solid piece.