Reviews for Iron
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 9/4/2010
Review Marathon this weekend! (link in my profile)

I didn't like how the whole piece was one long sentence. It just kind of seemed like a runon. I did love the beginning. It was such a powerful opening with a visualizatioon of her rising the sound of her screeching. Great job. I also liked the word choices they were very almost formal? With antechambers and overtly and epicenter, etc. I think it really worked with the tone of the piece.
Gilee7 chapter 1 . 7/5/2010
The first two lines made me immediately think that this is another poem dealing with the oil spill in the gulf, and even though it can still be interpreted that way, I think there's something else going on in here. What, I don't know. This poem confuses me. Maybe I haven't been awake long enough and so my brain isn't fully functioning at the moment, but I have, like, no reading on this poem whatsoever.

[breathing the metallic / of her in, her carbon flavored footfalls,] *carbon-flavored* Very awkward phrasing, made more awkward by the word "her" appearing almost back to back.

[that this dark room, those sounds might / deter you from the what you've found.] This might be intentional, but I don't this so; it's just too awkward-sounding. I think you meant: "that IN this dark room." And the last line- "deter you from the what you've found"- should be: "deter you from WHAT you've found."

I don't much like this poem. Maybe it's just because I got nothing from it, which has more to do with my stupidity than anything else. But I just found the format of it, with the two-line stanzas, quite distracting. Perhaps that's part of the reason I'm so confused, and why none of the imagery really stuck with me.
Black Sparrow chapter 1 . 6/28/2010
Beautiful poem. I love the way you use such descriptions as if they are compliments. It is a beautiful thing :)
sunshower chapter 1 . 6/28/2010
Wow. Fabulous use of language here. One line confused me though; "hoping that you will not notice her"
YasuRan chapter 1 . 6/27/2010
There's practically a legion of sub-text to be read into here. Once you had me hooked with one line, the next thing I knew it was the same with another. I thought this would be something akin to a study of a very fascinating woman but after finishing, I wonder if she's a metaphor for a more serious issue. Like impending doom of some sort, perhaps one of those environment issues you're currently preoccupied with? :)

As expected, nothing short of excellence in your writing. Again. Do you ever tire of the praise that comes your way?

Great job.
Sweetcakes5 chapter 1 . 6/27/2010
Absolutely love the deepness of this. The beautiful and surreal language. Astounding images. Excellent piece.