Reviews for What is a man amidst a couch?
artofjula chapter 1 . 7/23/2010
This was so cute. I can definitely relate. :P
lipleaf chapter 1 . 7/3/2010
You have such interesting descriptions in this piece. Things like

"quantum-theory kingdoms

where skies are crystallized and then

erased in a flash of lightning"

and

"Also,

he is a greenhouse gaseous sunbeam,

floating always right above the clouds but

never passing through"

were a nice touch. I particularly liked the phrase "during-glow." I don't know why, but that just really stuck out to me. And following that up with

"surely it's true

that 'Weary before,

worse after,' is the way of the world"

makes it seem like the author is implying the moment in between those two phases is the only thing worth living for. Live in the present.

I really like the theme (or message, I suppose) you have going throughout the entire piece. The way you express it is unique, but it's not so ambiguous or abstract that you can't understand what it's saying. It might seem that way when you first read it, but if you look deeper it becomes clear.

I also like the twist you put in at the ending about poets being different than the average man lost amidst a couch.
deefective chapter 1 . 7/1/2010
Lovely, just lovely. I'll admit at the beginning I was interested but it seemed to drag on for just a second too long. I'm not exactly sure if the first part in parentheses really belongs, either. I does work and I can see why you'd include it but it didn't click all the way. After about the third stanza things picked right up and the rest just read quite beautifully. Maybe I'm a bit of a modernist but I really liked the hint of abstract in this. It was there but it didn't engulf the whole piece and hide everything else. Just the right balance. Also, your imagery was very on-point.

"A man's thumbs may build

quantum-theory kingdoms

where skies are crystallized and then

erased in a flash of lightning-

hear his roaring

echo with the thunder."

Just in that stanza alone you hit the reader with so much it's almost mind-blowing. I liked the capitalization of "Big Brother" just because it brings to mind many different things. God, the show, that George Orwell book, etc. But my favorite line has to be:

"I need a moment.

I'm contemplating."

So simple, so short but it really spoke volumes to me. It's like the narrator was having this whirlwind of thinking and musing and coming up with all these fantastic ideas and poetry. And then he asks to take a moment to rest but that statement in itself is poetry and a manifestation of his thoughts. If that makes any sense.

You did two really clever things in this that I'm impressed with. First, the whole stanza with the cursing. The "bleeping" in parentheses was expertly executed. I liked the whole contrast with the rest of the non-bleeped offensive words and the words that just describe them. Also, the word "nude" in there. Clever, clever. And second, this line: "most whimsical of bards" just because it was a smooth way of putting yourself/your name in there.

Overall, nicely done.
JuniperRhose chapter 1 . 6/28/2010
Very well written poem. It had great flow, and I especially liked the first stanza before the parenthesis (though I liked them too, but I'm trying to narrow it down, lol).

I liked the first use of "bleep" because it contrasted with how free the language had been, but I think I would have cut it down to just the one, or at least just one per stanza.

Overall though, I really, really enjoyed this. Well done!
ripplingebbullience chapter 1 . 6/28/2010
Interesting read...

Really liked the way it ended.

Great write! ]

-Rippling ebullience