love it plz ud soon :D

So far, this is cute.

But it seems a little...flat?

I think that's the right word.

It might be that there's not a whole lot of variation in sentence structure, and there's a lot of repetition of certain phrases (like in chapter one with "you see"). But the more you write, the more you learn to vary your sentences.

I'm not getting a whole lot of personality from Blake, there's definitely something there, but it's not much.

I would work on developing your characters in later chapters because that would make your story that much better, you know? It would help readers connect and get emotionally involved in your story.

There were a couple of grammar errors, like missing commas and using 'to' instead of 'too', those were the only major things I could see.

All that aside, I think what you've got here is a fantastic first story.

I'm curious to see where this is going and I can't wait to read more.

:]

XOXO

Charlotte

Aww poor Stephens's going to get his widdle heart broken :PP I love it!