|Reviews for Code Purple|
| Smartgirl94 chapter 7 . 10/8/2013
That boy can think whatever he wants and that Ariel girl...that was a HUGE no-no girl. Please update soon :d
| mandy.l.williams.94 chapter 6 . 8/21/2013
I LOVE IT! I VOTE FOR ANOTHER CHAPTER IMMEDIATELY! Seriously, it's amazing.
| Anna Pond chapter 6 . 8/4/2013
| Smartgirl94 chapter 6 . 8/3/2013
This just got serious lol. Please update soon :D
| mysorryeyescansee chapter 5 . 7/24/2013
I've always like student/teacher relationships but this is the first story for me where the teacher is a female and the student is a male. I really don't know what to expect but this is so good because every time I finish a chapter all I can say is OMG!
| leavesfallingup chapter 5 . 7/18/2013
She just can't seem to keep the guys at bay. At least she is going to try to clear the air with Layton... though proximity seems to be dangerous at the moment
| Anna Pond chapter 5 . 7/10/2013
oh my! *-*
| Smartgirl94 chapter 5 . 7/10/2013
Why would she do that?! Please update soon :D
| Smartgirl94 chapter 4 . 6/30/2013
Well hopefully Ariel doesn't sleep with him, it's a good thing the Julie told her or else something might thave happen lol. Please update soon :D
| Windscimitars chapter 3 . 6/20/2013
A very awesome piece with lots of drama and sexual tension between Ariel and Layton. I love the scenes between the two and he hilarity that ensues with the rest of the crowd. Its nicely structured and I can hardly contain myself if I see another update. The cliffhanger makes me yearn for more, so I hope you could upload another chapter soon! Good luck :)
| Cassandra Elizabeth chapter 3 . 6/10/2013
I thought I should read all three chapters of this story before I give a review. This has been pooping up in my email and so this morning I just sat down and read it, taking some notes on the side.
The first thing that you experiece as a reader is the boatload of information in the beginning. There is just so much and we basically learn the life stories of both of our main characters in the beginning. The fun thing about being a writer (and I enjoy this very much) is the fact that you can control how much information your audience (the reader) receives. You can taunt them with info that you have made aware of but haven't actually revealed. This is a great way to keep readers hooked. I just felt that there was just too much info in the beginning about her and would have loved it more if we had gained that knowledgle over a series of chapters, rather than a couple paragraphs in one chapter.
As a reader (and a writer) I know that first chapters have to be great or else you lose the reader. Because of all that information given in the first chapter, it just seemed like way too much description and not enough action. I almost felt like we were just recounting her whole life and not living in the one that she is in at the moment. For future advice, first chapters should be light enough to get a sneak peak of the character, general plot, and some sort of hook that will make us want to know more.
Sometimes authors have a hard time not creating Mary Sue characters. Because we just want our characters to be great and awesome. This is a problem though because then the reader loses connection with the characters and can't relate to them. No one is usually that perfect and when you make a character like that their not relatable and annoying.
Here is the definition of a Mary Sue, as provided by Urban Dictionary: See Mary-Sue. A female fanfiction character who is so perfect as to be annoying. The male equivlalent is the Marty-Stu. Often abbreviated to "Sue". A Mary Sue character is usually written by a beginning author. Often, the Mary Sue is a self-insert with a few "improvements" (ex. better body, more popular, etc). The Mary Sue character is almost always beautiful, smart, etc... In short, she is the "perfect" girl. The Mary Sue usually falls in love with the author's favorite character(s) and winds up upstaging all of the other characters in the book/series/universe.
Ariel fits this description so well. She has the brains, the beauty, and social life. These three things aren't bad to have in one person (even though it does push against reality a bit) but when all of them are heightened as is the case for Ariel then it becomes obnoxious. She just happens to be this child prodigy thatnis super intelligent, has a body that any woman would shed blood for and all males want to a go at, and to add onto this her social skills are amazing and have been her entire life, leaving her absolutely likable to everyone she meets. Unfortunately, this kind of person does not exist.
You blatantly hinted in the first chapter that she is terrified of water for some unknown but horrific reason. This could have been done better. I feel like it was exciting enough to wonde why she is afraid of water and then my bubble was sort of burst when you said, "She could barely tolerate the water she used to take a shower every morning; it reminded her of the…incident. " I would rather have had the "incident" not even mentioned because it gives a better connotation of mystery and of the unknown. Maybe it's just me, but I felt that saying "incident" burst the bubble.
Grammatical and sentence structure don't matter that much to me (unless is disrupts the flow of the story) but one sentence just popped out at me and I thought I should mention it, even though it is quite a minor thing.
"As Layton got out of his car and reached the front entrance of the school, he was greeted with many play punches to the shoulder and handshakes from his team buddies and plenty of 'hi's from the female inhabitants."
This could have been better said saying,
Layton got out of his car, reached the front entrance of the school, and was greeted with many play punches to the shoulder, handshakes from his team buddies, and plenty of "hi's" from the female inhabitants of the school.
Since this sentence was about Layton (who has a pretty cool name by the way) I'll continue on about him. The thing that struck out to me (besides the fact hat he is a Mary Sue as well) is that the teachers were "scared" of him. I understand that at times certain students have places of "authority" in school because of family, money, grades, etc. but none of that was explained concerning Layton. Just the fact that he is popular, I don't think is a good enough reason for the teachers to fear him enough not to want to write him up. No student has that kind of invincibility. This adds onto his perfectness. It would be understandable if it was just one teacher, but it's very unreasonable to have a reader believe that an entire teacher faculty staff is afraid of this one student.
My last point concerns Ariel, since she is our female lead. I don't believe that she is a teacher. She seems more like a teenager or a college student that has been placed in that role and cannot fulfill it. She has no authority in her classroom, uses "inappropriate" language in front of the students and to them (i.e. Layton) and is childish. She should not have egged him on in the first chapter after that comment because she should have been the teacher and put a stop to it instead of investing in it herself. I understand that this story is going to explore her potential relationship with Layton but that was just very unprofessional of her and if you want her to seem like an actual legit teacher then she needs more ground and authority.
While that whole conversation in itself was pretty inappropriate, I don't like the way that she portrayed herself in front of her students. Most teachers don't share their life stories or even a lot about their personal life, much less on the first day of school. She she said:
"Layton, I'm flattered that I look good enough to screw with you, but trust me; you wouldn't be able to handle me anywhere besides the classroom."
"Aren't you afraid that you won't even compare to the men that I have had in my bed, boy?"
"Don't be so sure, Layton. You have no idea how many notches I have on my bedpost. We're done with this conversation. Take your seat. Now," Ariel finished with a tone of authority.
Those three sentences ruined her image for me if I were one of her students. For a teachers to blatantly suggest that they sleep around (hence the last sentence) is a little too much. That whole convo ruined her and she basically branded herself as a slut in front of her whole class. She needs to become a "teacher" preserve her self image in front of her class.
Sorry tore your story apart. It's genuinely an ok start. You will have to distinguish it from other stories however because I've lost count of how many of these teacher/student forbidden relationships be read and they all go the same way. Please, think about my critique and don't take offense.
| Smartgirl94 chapter 3 . 6/10/2013
Man this is good, but if I were her I would have pull away and slapped him and stormed off lol. Please update soon :D
| Smartgirl94 chapter 2 . 6/1/2013
Damn that boy lol, I would have put that boy in this place lol. Please update soon :D
| HeirOfHufflepuff chapter 10 . 4/24/2013
just saying, in California, we don't have Chick-Fill-as. At least none in the Bay Area. (San Francisco) Just saying. if you changed it, (though i highly doubt it) we have lots of starbucks.
| RubyRed22 chapter 21 . 3/17/2013
Ugh, I am so lazy and I actually considered not reviewing, but just couldn't do that to you! This story was so different than expected, but I absolutely loved it! I loved the concept of it; I've never read a story about a female teacher and male student and you did it so well. I'm sure you don't need me to praise your writing abilities, as I read practically all your stories, but blowing up your ego just a bit can't hurt.
At first I thought that the story was a little too fast-paced - of course, not incredibly - but I thought Ariel's resistance was way too weak and then they got through the 'I love you' stage and then marriage so quickly. I think I realized that maybe it's because they went through a lot in the story, and as a writer you also had to keep it moving so that they could get through everything. And maybe Ariel really was that weak... I mean, she kept egging him on (which I totally thought was unprofessional) and this was also her first job. Young and naïve really were important characteristics about her. You probably didn't realize that the whole story relied a lot on that (or maybe you did)!
If I'm being honest, I think you've written better (in terms of technique), but the plot line and characters of this story were absolutely my favourite! I figure it's because this is your first one? Keep in mind that you are BY FAR better than a lot of other writers here on FictionPress.
This story was seriously hard to put down, and after reading so many stories online, I am now always craving one that can do that to me. Trust me, it gets harder once you've tried almost everything. It was super interesting, and it had just the right amount of action to keep me intrigued and add more depth to the storyline. I'm still wondering why I didn't read it earlier... You always manage to impress me anyways, so I've never had any doubts!