|Reviews for Pepper|
| wammyboys chapter 1 . 11/8/2010
I really like the voice of this story. I think that's because it doesn't reek any bit of formality; it's just how you feel then and there.
I love the part where you went "Lovely woman, though". It gave the piece a very nice edge without overdoing the wit factor.
Perfect balance, great piece.
| Princess-anna57 chapter 1 . 9/9/2010
*jaw drops* omg. It's like I'm reading myself in this. Especially the first line. OMG.
| Tekla chapter 1 . 7/21/2010
it was short, it made me sad. I would've liked to see more, your writing is so nice. :3
gwah, I love the snark at the end! it felt like it fit in perfectly :D
asphyxiated is such a cool word. anyway...
I find it happily ironic she's got the voice of the fat lady, cos it ain't over 'til she sings XD I enjoyed that, music lover that I am. connections, woo!
ja. lovely :D well done!
| Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 7/13/2010
I think the prose style actually distracted from the idea, though I don’t think a classical poetic format would work better. Did you cut the lines short? It seems like you’ve clipped them and they don’t go all the way across the page like they would normally, maybe that’s just throwing me off, and it’s a technical thing and has nothing to do with the overall piece.
What I loved about this was the narrative – it was quick and feisty, which is your usual tone, but there were several undercurrents that I didn’t expect to find when I read this. My primary favorite would be “fascinating songstress/with the voice of the fatlady” it was just so odd (in a good way) though intricate and delicate at the same time.
I also loved your ending, the closing note of: “lovely woman, though” the afterthought worked really well from the perspective of the poem. Great work, keep it up.
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 7/2/2010
I like how you made your lines longer than is normal in poems; it gave the whole thing a better flow and rhythm. Your wordchoice was also good. I loved your metaphor in the third line. For me, the last little sentence seemed out of place and less pretty next to the rest of what you'd written. It was a jolt, obviously, and it was painfully out of place, for me. Good poem, though.
| thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 7/1/2010
I really like this one. I like your language at the beginning especially. It captured me very quickly. It had some shock value, if you will, but I think that you meant it to be. I felt as though I waltzed in to a conversation at the wrong time, but there was really no good time to come in to this conversation, was there?
I love the word "snazzy" too.
Your tone was excellent as always. This was very much a piece of your own particular style. I'm going to see you published someday, and I'm going to see a name with it and I'll be like... that's not Jane Doe, that's Dee!
And then I'll realize that it probably is you, and give myself a small smack on the back of the head.
I love how you paint a picture of this woman. She's freaking out at the very beginning, and because I'm just walking into this conversation, I get a bad vibe from the start-but I think you want it that way.
The contrast in your next two lines is subtle and easily missed, but I can tell that the speaker really doesn't care for this woman's personality at all, even though she pretends to.
My personal favorite part came next, though: "Fascinating songstress, with the voice of the fat lady."
There are so many layers in this particular sentence. The speaker compliments this woman, says she has a good voice. "Fascinating" is one of those hybrid compliment-insult words, and this is a perfect display of that usage. The voice of the fat lady would seem to indicate that she's freaking out, that it's "all over" (when the fat lady sings).
The fruit seems to be forbidden fruit, and we both certainly know that the word "screw" can be taken both ways. My band wrote a song about women who do both kinds of screwing. We called this song, and any one of these women, a "Black Magician." I do believe it applies here.
Then, there is the speaker. This line begins to bring the poem together, and it adds a whole other layer. The woman is speaking about something being "all over." I can only assume it is a relationship of some sort.
That penultimate line speaks for itself, and it would leave the reader with an adequate feeling that fits with the rest of the poem, but it doesn't fit your tone at all. The last line does that.
Classy, sassy, and above all a poem that just says, "Wake up, fool. I'm better-than her, than you, than whoever else you can throw my way." I like it.
Fantastic job, as always. Stop posting on this site; go get yourself published so that I can buy some of it, please.
Much review love,
| seredemia chapter 1 . 7/1/2010
I love the attitude in this! It just really gave this piece an edge, you know? I think I understand what this is meant to be about... but then again, it's hard to grasp. I lvoe your choice of words, such as snazzy and 'songstress'. Beautiful!
Repay via The Unwanted
| HiddenFromYou chapter 1 . 6/29/2010
The voice, tone, and setting of this piece were brilliant. You use just the right words in the right places, and the ending is superb.
Sorry, I know that's not very helpful, but I couldn't find a thing to dislike. :)
| believe in her chapter 1 . 6/29/2010
love the use of the word 'snazzy', and the phrase 'angel asphyxiated'
and the end made me laugh. good job!
| YasuRan chapter 1 . 6/28/2010
Oh, I think I get what you're going at here. For some reason, 'it ain't over 'til the fat lady sings' and the movie Coyote Ugly spring to mind. Great way to paint a picture in a few lines.