|Reviews for Without Light|
| urtenshii chapter 1 . 7/9/2011
I'm now on the process of reading your work.
As for now these are a few of my observations:
1. The first chapter was a bit too dramatic for people who enjoys a little humor (like me). So I guess this is one reason why there are a few who wouldn't continue on reading the story
2. I'm not really sure if it's just me but I think that the last part about her father's leaving was kinda confusing. At first the narrator was talking about losing her father and then suddenly there were the 'terror of the water' and 'tentacles' and 'red eyes'
I had to wonder where those words came from.
3. There's only minimal description of the character. I guess it maybe because it's still the first chapter but there are some of us who wanted to have a glimpse of the protagonist's lifestyle, characteristics or background on the first chapter. I think, you could add personal information and such.
4. There were parts which deserved a period, but you used a comma.
Now let's go to the good stuff:
1. The way you wrote this piece is a lot like most published novels, only shorter and less descriptive. I admire that. Not all of us can pull that stunt.
2. Your sentences are definitely well-constructed. You know how and when to use your words. This gives another thumbs-up to your work.
3. This piece has minimal redundancy. Unlike most stories I've read, you seldom repeat your lines making it a pleasurable read.
4. Girl you got a knack on writing. Even with the serious tone of the story. You could keep the excitement level of readers high. There's a lot more of showing rather than telling.
5. You were able to work out the cliff-hanger to your advantage. So it wasn't the usual cliff-hanger that would keep the readers truly hanging. You know the kind where the story ends with the main character just opening the door without letting the readers know who's at the other side? That type is kinda annoying. I like this kind better. Knowing who are in the story without revealing why.
Done. I hope I was able to aid you in making this story better. I'll continue to read and review now and then every time I find something important. If you thought the words above insignificant and unnecessary, sorry for that. As you have already known, I've only been into writing for one year so I'm still kinda new. I just point out what I think are good and not good.
Anyway, have a good day. I'll continue my reading now :)
| Frozen Doll chapter 25 . 7/7/2011
I finally finished reading this. With so many distractions it was hard. But this was amazing. Would definitely read if this was a book. It had all the elements I love in a book. I even cryed. Like tears streaming down my face as I read. Amazing. I loved it.
| Masked-Face chapter 25 . 7/6/2011
So will the next chapter at least feel like an ending ? haha, sorry I always hated cliff hangers. (:
| j.matsuzawa chapter 4 . 7/6/2011
remember i said this wasnt my genre?
I LOVED THIS ANYWAY!
"they didnt get game over, they are dead D.E.A.D"
even i "got" this reference
cant believe you are able to insert humour into the intrigue and danger of their endeavours.
cant believe you are able to sweep me into the vortex and suspend my unbelief as you weave the magic of your words
sometimes animal/human hybrids and shapeshifters can almost seem real and deserving of our respect or admiration
this is one of these times
only one complaint
you know this is a pet peeve of mine
I hate the defilement of our speech by the use of "um"
maybe you could ask your sister how to spell the japanese equivalent and use that instead.
i know, i'm just an old fuddyduddy, your mom
| Kannon chapter 25 . 7/5/2011
I must say that this is very good, i luvs it so much. once i started reading i just couldn't stop reading. It kept me interested all the way through and i hung on your every word. Keep up th egood work and happy writeing.
| okashay09 chapter 25 . 7/5/2011
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES THANK YOU! i am sooooooooooooo happy that we get to read when Kuro wakes up! im supper glad... YOU NEED TO GET THIS PUBLISHED FAST! i need to know the ending... pretty please with whatever toppings you like on top?
| Eternal Skies chapter 1 . 7/4/2011
I really like your writing in this chapter. It gives this unnatural, surreal feel to the story. I wonder about Heather's reaction to the weird creatures/men, and her last name. Is this a kind of urban fantasy?
Awesome, anyway. Rolling to the next chapter.
| Inu chapter 25 . 7/3/2011
yay! proud of you! I was hoping to see another chapter here, but I will wait! )
| Inu chapter 24 . 7/3/2011
Another awesome job! I felt like this particular chapter was a little uneventful, but that's okay because we learned a lot about kintra's character and stuff like that. I'm glad Kuro didn't wake up to find them doing what they were doing at the end. )
| Jenny chapter 12 . 7/2/2011
Ok, so I've read 12 chapters so far. I'm not sure I like how quickly Kuro has taken to Heather and started to change. It seems like the mild amusement jumped to caring about her as soon as she asked for a bath. I just miss a progression in his change of feelings. He seems so nice now that it's impossible to hate him or even be mind at his mindset. It's just making Heather seem more and more like a brat.
oh well, I'll keep reading and see where it takes me. It may be too early to assume anything.
| Xmidnight.queenX chapter 25 . 7/2/2011
wait what? so you are publishing the story into a book? omg yay! but you are sooo evil for leaving all of hanging you did not just do that! grrr i want to be mad at you but i cant you are an awesome writer but grr
| Xmidnight.queenX chapter 24 . 7/2/2011
so haku is or was a guy or a girl? and i think haku is heather or something related to her and i think heather falls in love of feels extremely attracted to the king because she loves kuro and feels that same way with the king because he looks so much like kuro
| Xmidnight.queenX chapter 22 . 7/2/2011
so did kuro wake up and force mark her?
and man marks always confuse me i think i just gave up on them and just know that they bound you to the other hahahah
so i think lucas has changed because he is now the king of the leopards since i remember that the title will keep on going down if the leopard kept getting killed and stuff
| Hunko11 chapter 5 . 7/1/2011
This was an awesome chapterIt helped explain a lot about what was going on including were here dad is and I loved this part when Chris said Akiraka stuck his head through the window then, leaning out to speak with the driver, and Chris immediately crawled closer to Heather. "Oh my god, this is gonna be so cool!"
She only rolled her eyes.
"Heather, we're gonna be like… the freedom fighters or like those guys from that one movie where-" I couldnt stop laughing it was really funny I cant wait to read more.
| Xmidnight.queenX chapter 20 . 7/1/2011
oh hell no this midori queen wants her daughter to mate with kuro and selenia will mate with him because he will thing it is heather and omg they think heather was being a good little pet and so then this daughter will come in and take he replace and nobody will notice? well think again sister because heather is not good little pet hahah
finally heather you noticed you were the treasure!
why did chris trade i mean i know its for heather safety but ugh stupid mating season!