|Reviews for Transfixed|
| thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 9/6/2010
This piece reminds me - in an abstract, indirect fashion - of the scene in Lord of the Flies where they kill the pig. Your character's death seems layered with sexual overtones. It might be just me, however. I am a typical young adult male, and my brain is riddled with sex-bullets.
I'm gonna copyright that line and use it in a poem later. Dee is going to be so jealous.
"my brain is riddled with sex-bullets" (c) thewhimsicalbard
Strong imagery, though even one more detail - like, for instance, the color of the grass around these two individuals; just something to give it more substance and depth - would improve this piece immensely.
Otherwise, I have no complaints. Strong work.
| Reeech Beeetch chapter 1 . 8/8/2010
Hm. This could be a prologue for something good. Like you already know the protagonist will meet this end but the rest of the narration leaves you wanting that not to happen. Struck me as a period piece, somewhere in Japan, with a snow-covered field where the first drops of blood ruin the whiteness. Very Kill Bill, I know.
| TheSilverWarrior chapter 1 . 7/3/2010
Interesting. Not much visual description, which is normally a problem, but it works for this piece. It's more of an internal piece than anything, which I enjoy. You have potential.
P.S.-Feel free to look at some of my works. Mayhap you'll find some inspiration for another piece.