|Reviews for The Girl Under the Waterfall|
| slayersrevenge chapter 25 . 2/15/2013
This is one of the best stories I have read for a hell of a long time. It ends so wonderfully, but would like to see if you wrote or have any plans to write anything else with Josis and Jesse.
Well written and thanks for the story
| fellintothemoon chapter 1 . 10/20/2012
Hi! As you know, this story was added to the site A Drop of Romeo. Recently, we started rewriting our old reviews and redid this one. Here's your rewrite:
Melissa Thinks: The first thing that pulls you into The Girl Under the Waterfall, is the fact that it's written in a male perspective (a rare find). It centers around a boy named Jesse who goes on vacation with his family for the summer in what he describes as "the middle of nowhere". Of course his views may change when he finds himself becoming friends with a mermaid. It's their friendship and the progression of their relationship that makes this story so special. Never do we feel like things are being shoved upon us. The pace is wonderful as is the characterization, and can I just say it was too adorable for words? I loved the main characters, the adventures and challenges they faced, and the lovely forbidden aspect. The story was light; an easy read to get through on a boring afternoon that brightens up your day. It's definitely a read that will make you wish for more from the amazing author.
| Jaden Ink chapter 1 . 10/18/2012
Ok, so only thing that drove me crazy was the way you start your sentances.
I did this. I did that. I felt this. I ate that. It gets repetitive.
Instead of 'I looked out the train window as the trees went flying by. I leaned my head on the cold window and set my iPod in my sweater pocket. I rested my left hand on my younger sister's shoulder as she huddled closer to me.'
Try, 'I looked out the train window as the trees went flying by. Leaning my head on the cold window I set my iPod in my sweater pocked while resting my left hand on my younger sister's shoulder as she huddled closer to me.
When you use lots of short sentances and start them the same way it makes your story not only choppy but shallow. It gives the reader the impression that your telling the story rather than showing the story, and it seperates us from the realism of it all. Other than that it thought its solid so far I'll keep reading!
| happypenguin01 chapter 25 . 10/17/2012
Your story was so amazing that I couldn't seem to stop reading. The plot was really creative, and I love how you told it from a guy's point of view. I thought that your characterization of him and interpretation of his voice was realistic. You didn't make Jesse seem overly sentimental or overly callous, which is a huge accomplishment. I especially noticed your grasp on Jesse's voice when he described Josie's tail as slimy, but in a good way. I don't think many guys would consider using a word like slippery or smooth in description. Jesse's inner monologues about hoping that Josie didn't think he was a creeper made me grin throughout the story. I also really liked the ending- it was realistic, but happy at the same time.
| Failure at mind chapter 25 . 8/7/2012
I love your story
this is better than most mermaid books ive read
| R. Ficst chapter 25 . 3/22/2012
Interesting story. Very cute : )
| jnl94 chapter 1 . 12/1/2011
It wasn't that boring. You have to have some of those less than adventerous chapters in order for the reader to get to know the characters. I'm glad you mentioned before the story started that Jesse was a boy because otherwise I wouldn't be able to tell, lol! ?This sounds interesting and I can't wait to meet this mermaid...
| Silence of Night chapter 25 . 9/20/2011
fantastic! fantastic! fantastic!
really good job on the story! :D
| Alanisaur chapter 2 . 8/22/2011
Billy know about the mermaid.!
| SweetSarah2 chapter 1 . 5/24/2011
Okay, I like the chapter and I'll keep reading the story.
One thing that annoyed me was that you used 'I' at the start of most of the sentences. Once you notice that it really stands out and gets annoying.
Anyways, I like it. XD
| QuestionsAnswered chapter 1 . 5/4/2011
Okay, here's my dilema. Is Jesse a boy or a girl?
| dipintheriverstyx chapter 25 . 3/7/2011
I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT
| 234235134 chapter 25 . 1/27/2011
It's finished! I can't believe it. I think you did a great job. I'd read this again once you plan on editing it.
It would be awesome if you would add Josie's point of view :)
| ABC123 chapter 25 . 1/2/2011
Why do you not have reviews?
It's so well-written.
| RentBoheme chapter 19 . 1/2/2011
I finally got to the chapter with the "alternate version" that I wrote. I really must say, my version is way better, but you still did a pretty good job.
So much drama is a'formin'. I thought that Jesse's plan was funny and smart. But - how did he bicycle ride with a mermaid on him? That tail must weigh a ton!
Here are typos/suggestions that I have:
"After a few hours past" - "past" should be "passed".
"Time went by as I drank my tea in silence." - This is just a weird sentence. Were we to expect time to freeze?
"Back home, we all usually woke up at different times in the day, so my mom never made us all breakfast. She wanted to take the opportunity she had to make us all breakfast.' - Take out a few things: "Back home, we all usually woke up at different times, so my mom never made us all breakfast. So, today she was jumping on the opportunity to cook for everyone."
"It's okay to be okay," I whispered. - This is quite true, but I think you meant "It's going to be okay."