I've followed this story from the begining, and like fine wine, it just keeps getting better with age. I absolutley love it. Jesse's oblivious, though. The entire time throughout this story my head kept screaming, MERMAID! I'm just wandering...is it true, and will she ever tell Jesse?

I loved it! And you know that's exactly what a guy would be thinking, lol! Please post soon! -Erin

Awhh! Poor Jesse! Trying ever so hard to get Josie's number XD But I assume he'll find out the reason soon... )

This story makes me happy :D

I absolutly LOVE mermaids and this story is no exception! I'm excited for the moment when she confesses it to him! Great job with this!

*giggle* Jesse is such a guy! XD

And Josie is overreacting! She should let her fishy self go and let herself have a fling. ;)

Hello, chap! I liked this chapter. Alex seems like an upstanding individual, and I like how friendly she is. I felt like the chapter dragged on a little bit at points, though, like you went into too much detail about everything that happened. Like, we don't need to know all the people in the coffee shop. It was still good, though, and I already told you my prediction about Billy!

Here are things that should be edited:

Apparently it was just a deserted island there with the remains of a mansion, but nothing besides that. - take out "just" and "there". Also, in that paragraph you say "island" too many times.

As I flipped through the menu, I took the time to take notice of my surroundings. - take out "the time to take"

I ordered two eggs and a cup of orange juice and coffee when the kind waitress now known as, Maggie came over. - change to: "I ordered two eggs, orange juice, and coffee." And take out the clause about the waitress.

I slowly held out my own hand, and we engaged in a handshake. - Make it: "I was tentative, but eventually accepted her handshake."

I shrugged my shoulders and put a hand on my cup of coffee. - take out "my shoulders"

I nodded my head. - take out "my head". You say that people nod their heads a few times.

That's how she knew I was the grandson of the Milsons, otherwise known as my grandparents. - take out "otherwise known as my grandparents"

We finished out breakfast with small conversation - take out "out"

Surely they were probably wondering what was taking so long. - choose either surely or probably, not both

He's staying at their place for the summer while their traveling. - "they're traveling", not "their traveling"

This is an amazing story so far. I'm curious and really want to read more. The characters are great and I love the plot so far. Please update soon.

~ Fia.

Aw, I liked the reasons why he 'froze in his tracks' haha :) His relationship with his sister is so cute. I can't wait to see how he finds out that his daily visits were with a mermaid!

Renana

This is actually very good. At first, I was shaky on the entire mermaid thing, but once I read through the story-and re read it just to get a clearer understanding-I found I actually really enjoyed this. I think, though, that Katie seems more like a 5 or 6 year old then an 8 year old in her actions, and words. I hope you write more soon though, it's really an amazing story!

x

~KylaRose

Haha his thoughts were really amusing around Josie. XD

Billy~~ He sounds kind of fishy. No pun intended. XD

Hey! Beautiful introduction, I'm curious about the girl, but I'm having suspicions that she's a mermaid haha, but I guess we'll see :)

Renana

I liked this! I already sent you the mistakes/suggestions I had for you on aim, so I shall just give you praise here. Splendid job on this first chapter! I think it's good at drawing you into the story. I like the relationship he has with his sister.

Hey :) I love reading stories in a male's point of view, and Jesse seems really sweet so far. I want to know what happens next :D

Renana