Reviews for The Girl Under the Waterfall
234235134 chapter 20 . 10/14/2010
School sucks, but we love you :) Thank you for updating! Oh my, the story's gonna be done by November :O I feel very excited! You're so awesome, you still update even if you have school :)

I like this chapter too. Makes me wonder how I will act if I saw a real mermaid, ha ha. Hope nothing bad happens to Josie's family.
irisherin1488 chapter 20 . 10/12/2010
OMG! I loved the chapter! It was so sweet and I loved how he made up that excuse about skinny dipping with Alex I laughed out loud and my brother looked at me like WTF? It was hilarious! Update soon! Can't wait to read the next chapter! And I so know what you mean about school, I hate it this year we fricking got homework for Physical Education! Love the story! -Erin
Nano724 chapter 20 . 10/11/2010
I love how they had dinner in the bathroom with Josie XD.

Forget 117 reviews. This story deserves a thousand!

~Nano
GermanSam chapter 20 . 10/11/2010
Aw how adorable! :)

I can't wait to see how everything works out...at least I hope it works out. I want them to have a happy ending.
RentBoheme chapter 17 . 10/2/2010
GYAH. CLIFFIE. That was well done. But ... lkja;sldzvjcs;lkjvcxl how could that mermaid be so careless? Is it Josie? Goddamnit if it's Josie ... how could she be so stupid?

Okay, now let me tell you about the rest of the chapter. I liked seeing the mom's interest in Jesse's relationship with this mysterious girl, even though she was being annoying. But she was just being a mom, so that was good.

And yay! Now that Alex and Kris are together I hope there will be no more (murderous) glares from the latter. He had been creep-ay!

Corrections/Suggestions:

"Samantha wanted to come early and help us set up, but I told her that we had everything under control." - Unless you meant Alex, this is a story cross-over. Or I forgot about a character.

"She can't come to this town because, uh, lives so far away." - Add "she" after "because".

"There backs were to me" - "Their", not "There".
RentBoheme chapter 16 . 9/30/2010
Wow, that was great! Though there were a bunch of errors, the plot was really good. I loved seeing Josie's reactions to the tastes of the foods. I wonder what kinds of foods she eats underwater. Seaweed?

And OH MAH GAH that mermaid (I wrote seahorse first) was CREEPY. That part was really well written. I could really visualize her coming onto the boat.

Corrections/Suggestions:

"Two hours and what seemed to be a million boating lessons later, I was out at sea, looking for the Josie." - This one made me laugh on the inside. You don't need "the" before "Josie."

"He trusted me enough to let him use once of his nice boats" - "One", not "once".

"I sat back in the tiny boat, and waited for her to show up." - Obviously it's in the boat. Take out "in the tiny boat".

"Not out here so often." - Sounds awkward. Maybe make it "Not that often."

"Part of me expected them to turn and look at us, but I came to realization how stupid that idea was." - Change "realization" to "realize".

"As long as we don't start it, they leave us alone." - Change "it" to "anything".

"I put some food on her plate, and some food on my plate." - Change to: "I put some food on her plate, and some on mine."

"We would eat it after we finished the meal." - Change to "We would eat it when we were done."

"She explained to me how she was used to eat salty food." - Add "ing" to "eat".

"I could tell that she had a sweet tooth for deserts." - For one, you meant "desserts". Haha. But anyway, I'd take out "for deserts".

"She kissed my lips before jumping off the boat. She shot me a beautiful smile before she dove under water." - You use "before" two sentences in a row. Maybe you could combine the two sentences somehow.

"I've seen her swim to the outskirts of our community for a bit." - Take out "for a bit".
RentBoheme chapter 15 . 9/27/2010
I like how you intertwined this side plot about Kris and Alex into the story. It isn't relevant to what is happening between Jesse and Josie, but that's okay. It sort of grounds us in the fact that Jesse is still a teenager facing normal teenage issues (as opposed to mermaid-related issues).

That said, I predict that the food won't settle well in Josie's stomach. I don't know why ... but I have that prediction.

Nice job!

Corrections/Suggestions:

"There has only been one war in the entire history of mermaids It was terrible" - Put a period after mermaids.

"Yes," I said, proud. "I learned when I was younger. - Maybe it would sound better if you said he learned at summer camp or something. Younger sounds too vague.

""I knew you probably forgot a lot of things, so I got out and got some things for you." -I'd change the first got to "went".

"The three of us spent over two hours on making a simple pasta dish," - Take out "on".

"We've become a lot closer friends this summer." - Change "a lot closer" to "close", because they didn't know each other before this summer. (Later on you say "We've gotten a lot closer this summer". Change that too.)

"Part of me wanted to avoid the confrontation and run out the room" - Add an "of" after "run"
irisherin1488 chapter 19 . 9/26/2010
I loved that chapter it was so cool! And what was up with that extra chapter by Rentboheme? It was actually kinda of funny but whatever. Anyways UPDATE SOON! Cant wait for the next chapter I really want to know what happens next! So love the story! Update soon! You're an amazing writer! Yada yada and all that good stuff! -Erin
RentBoheme chapter 14 . 9/26/2010
Well, not much happened in this chapter, but I see that you're setting the stage for chapters to come: we know that Josie really wants to go to Boston; that she doesn't know much about human life (from the tickling); and that there is going to be a pool party after all. I predict that something is going to happen at the party!

Also, I was wondering: What kind of fish swim into people? That's not very realistic. Unless maybe Josie told them to do so. She's the Fish Whisperer.

As usual, I liked Katie in this chapter. She sounds like a pretty cool eight-year-old.

Corrections:

"I let me arms wrap tightly around her torso." - "My" instead of "me."

"Every so often I would see it peak out of the water." - "Change "peak" to "peek."

"Call my name if anything happens," she nodded her head and began to swim toward them. - Change the comma after "happens" to a period, then capitalize the "s" in "she".

"Don't go to far out!" - Add an "o" to "to".

"I knew that Josie probably treated fish, as I would treat a human being." - Take out the comma.
234235134 chapter 19 . 9/26/2010
Oh no! Josie :( I hope nothing bad happens to her family.

I wonder what will happen if Jesse's family will see her... hm.
RentBoheme chapter 13 . 9/25/2010
Nice chapter! I like the conversation between Billy and Jesse. The dialogue was good and none of it felt forced. I was wondering, though, if you did research to know it's half an hour to the beach from the B.U. campus?

Also, that wink at the end is creepy. Just sayin'.

Suggestions/Corrections:

"I managed to find a group of six mermaids, but they all started swimming away once I arrived. Josie, on the other hand, had gotten her tail stuck on a reef." - This made me laugh.

"so I helped her dissemble her tail." - Do you mean "fix up" instead of "dissemble"?

"Sorry," I mumbled, not realizing how close him and Josie actually were. - Change "him" to "he".

"What to you mean?" I asked. - "do" not "to".

"Furry grew inside of me." - LOL. I think you meant "Fury".

"I'm sick and tired of people telling me that." - Who else told him that?

"Billy must have sense my mood because he started reassuring me once again." - Add a "d" at the end of "sense".
Mykila Morningstar chapter 5 . 9/25/2010
this story is so addicting! i don't want to stop reading!
RentBoheme chapter 12 . 9/25/2010
"I pictured meeting me so-called "soul mate" at a bar one night." - This typo made me smile. You meant "my" not "me". "Me" makes it sound Scottish or something. XD

"My shorts and t-shirt were soaked, but those minor details were no use to me." - I'd change the second clause to "but I didn't care." The other way sounds awkward.

"Than…than…than I'll buy a boat." - You mean "Then...then...then." Not than.
PurplePixie chapter 18 . 9/24/2010
Oh no! :(

I'm scared for what will happen! Or for what I think will happen.

But anyway, thank you so much for updating!
Renana chapter 18 . 9/22/2010
Hey! Oh gosh all this suspense :D I'm glad that Josie didn't freak out like she did when he kissed her haha. I laughed when Jesse thought "Was she upset because she already knew? Did Billy lie to me? Were they planning on running off and getting married behind my back?" 'cause he's always over-thinking :) Can't wait to see what happens next!

Only a few things though, you mentioned twice how Jesse thought Billy looked older than he was- though the wording was different it's still slightly repetitive, just something to watch for.

And as for grammar "Billy wasn't older then (than) twenty-four, but in that very moment, he looked five years older."

"But your (you're) right," she said, her voice breaking."

BUT I know you already know these things, they're probably just typos :)
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