|Reviews for Triste|
| Archia chapter 1 . 10/5/2012
I learnt what triste meant once, is it like dead, or mournful, or wanting to be dead even? I think it's got something to do with something like that. I enjoyed what this poem was saying. The rhyme though at times got a bit distracting. It seemed a bit too much, having four lines rhyme was a bit overboard and I got too busy concerntrating on the rhyme instead of on the proper meaning. I loved the last line (whatever that French word means it was used well, it's sound good where it is). And it doesn't even matter that I don't know what it means, it still all works well. So, good poem.
| Lace-1812 chapter 1 . 9/2/2010
Introduce something material, make sure all the lines have the same amount of syllables in it, and stop being all depressed at your priveliged, western-boy life, and i'd like it. Until then, nup.
| Zix484 chapter 1 . 7/17/2010
I really like this one .
Good job Ash, you're getting good at making the rhyming flow and seem perfectly natural. I do think the first two lines seem maybe a little cliche though :S
(I also don't like the use of the word 'cos' in this poem. I know this is a little nitpicky, but 'cos' seems a little too informal for this particular poem, and maybe something like 'as' or 'for' would've worked a little better?)
I really like the repetition of 'over and over' in lines 8 and 9, I think that it works really well. Something about the last line just really apeals to me, I don't know why, but there's something especially beautiful and poetic about it.
( Keeta-20: It's 'emphasize', lols)
P.s: Can you guess who this is? (Clue: we know each-other irl)
| Keeta-20 chapter 1 . 7/10/2010
After reading your past work this show that you have improved a lot in the way you write and how you say something. I feel that the rhyming in this poem (eg:dread, head) are forceful, as if you've tired too hard to make it rhyme, or you've just written the poem and its just happened to have some rhymes in it which has made the poem a bit chaotic to read and less enjoyable. I find rhyme is a great way to enfersize (yes bad spelling, I know) what you are trying to say and to also give a poem a steady beat. In this poem I think you either make it rhyme or you don't. But don't take my word for it wait for some other reviews and see what they say and also follow your own judgement. After all I am one person out of millions.