Reviews for The Poetry Of Logical Ideas
this wild abyss chapter 4 . 7/23/2010
Hm...the last line sorta confused me, but other than that I liked the extended metaphor, and you used alliterative techniques very much to your own advantage. Nicely done.
this wild abyss chapter 3 . 7/23/2010
Very interesting. Maybe not as pretty as they other, but still very good. I'm really liking these. The mention of Jell-O and the phsicist were well-placed and sufficiently vague, I thought.
this wild abyss chapter 2 . 7/23/2010
Very beautiful and haunting. Excellently written and phrased. I didn't see how this fit under the title, but it was very pretty and poignant, and of the two poems I've read so far, definitely my favourite.
this wild abyss chapter 1 . 7/23/2010
A very interesting premise for a series of poems. I quite liked it, and the way your presented it was beautiful and relatable. The concept was brilliant, and the last line really brought it all together for me. Nicely done!
C. Tattiana H-H chapter 1 . 7/22/2010
Well, this is impressive. You have such a wonderful way with words that paint such fantastical pictures in my mind.

I really like the first line. It starts off rather beautifully and then twists into something else. Sort of like the narrator notices wonder or whatnot in the wind, and also notices how the people are too busy looking elsewhere to appreciate the moment. It was a very interesting way to begin the poem, and I liked the surprise that it provided.

The third line was another one that I quite enjoyed. Particularly the part beginning with “gravitational pull that...” An interesting image was planted in my head when I read it. It was “gravitation pull” juxtapose “atoms apart” that impressed me. I felt somewhat sad and helpless when I read it, actually. It was as if gravity wanted to bring things together, but the forces were too bent on remaining apart.

Fifth line was another great one. Anytime a moon is incorporated into poetry or prose, I always perk up and hope for something amazing. This was something amazing. I especially think it’s interesting that you said “rising with the moon,” as opposed to rising with the sun. I think that was rather creative and contrasted nicely with the rest of the images and tone of this piece.

“...stumbling along the constellations” is yet another beautiful description that had me in awe. This whole piece is just so beautifully written, and I thought the final two lines wrapped up this piece quite nicely. I thought “standing still” was a fitting way to end it, and I’m really quite impressed with the skill behind this all.
Isca chapter 3 . 7/14/2010
"Time; that girl ain't got no kind of backbone. Malleable and slow." Oh, you cheeky girl. This is marvelous! Nice personification of time as weak.
Isca chapter 2 . 7/14/2010
"You are The Mystery; unconquerable." This is a very powerful character description. I envision a Stoic man. :)
thewhimsicalbard chapter 4 . 7/7/2010
[Review Game - Poems - Easy Fix]

So, Dee, I like this one. It's very different from anything of yours that I've read so far-I can still hear your characteristic tone and personality in this piece, and that's a very good thing.

I love the subject matter, which is in and of itself interesting. I'm a little bit tired at the moment for macro-physics but I like how you make it spiritual at the very end-that's a very special way to look at the world. God is the creator of all of these incredible things that are so far beyond our comprehension; God is defiance of the odds.

My only negative comment (because their had to be one) is about the flow. This piece was uncharacteristically choppy for you. Because this poem is about space and time and big, empty things, my sense is that the poem ought to flow very smoothly. However, from the angle of the speaker-who seems confused to me-the choppiness feels less out of place. So, my suggestion is to either narrow your focus or streamline your flow.

Much review-love, as always. This is very solid work, and a nice branch out from your normal bubble!

-thewhimsicalbard
seredemia chapter 1 . 7/5/2010
For some reason, this made me giggle. I loved this line:

'The wind blows to the East but we're all looking the other way,

watching blue ships disappear over the horizon and

slip under the laws of the gravitational pull that perpetually keeps us atoms apart.'

- I didn't expect the long sentence with such scientific matters! But I must applaud you for making that flow well and easy. It's a rather long sentence, but it didn't sound awkward. I loved that line. To me, it sounded witty, yet intelligent and smart.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this poem. I lvoed the whole idea of time rushing past us whilst we're just standing still. That's very true :P

Roadhouse

Repay via The Unwanted
lipleaf chapter 2 . 7/5/2010
I like the opening line you have there. It's a nice piece of imagery and I feel like I'm being sort of eased into the poem, somehow. The alliteration makes the beginning flow very smoothly. I'm not quite sure how to describe it, really. Maybe silken or even molasses-like? Sorry if I'm not making any sense here, but that's what it seems like to me. When I say it out loud it actually feels like there's a thick river rolling off my tongue. I'm not sure about the second and third lines, though. They feel sort of awkward and abruptly ended. Like they're missing something.

The ending line is nice as well. "Something whole I could complete" suggests that no matter how finished something may seem, you can always add more to it, and the speaker seems quite ambitious to want to "complete" that is supposedly already done.
WutNow chapter 1 . 7/1/2010
Here from the Roadhouse!

I really like the contrasts you emphasized throughout each stanza, about the importance of time and how it is wasted upon those who are unaware of it. Though I'm not entirely sure how I am suppose to interpret the third stanza, I liked the heightened vocabulary you used XD.

I'm really sorry, I wish I could offer you more than just praise, but I am not particularly good at reviewing poems because they are so flexible and can be interpreted in multiple ways. Um... how about this: instead of saying "looking the other way," you can say "looking West." That way, there is a repetition of direction or something lol.

Overall, I really liked this piece :)

-Agent