|Reviews for Light|
| RentBoheme chapter 1 . 9/6/2010
Wow, this is really dark. I like it a lot! And that is such a great last line that I might have to steal it! (I won't, but oh, how I'm tempted! :P)
| Mataoaka chapter 1 . 7/22/2010
Way to go, Dreamer's Requiem!
I think this is one of your best one-shots and I really hope you expand it. It all flowed really well, and you introduced quite a few characters without making it feel stilted and long or short and confusing. The only thing that I really caught (and it's really nothing) is the third sentence.
"A single lighter lit up the room for a brief second as one of the women lit a cigarette, the flame dying to be replaced only with the red glow of the cigarette."
Maybe change the end to "the cigarette's red glow" so it flows more smoothly. Other than that, I didn't notice any grammar that didn't ride smoothly. Great setup for the beginning of a thriller!
| S. M. Saves chapter 1 . 7/19/2010
"In a darkened room, far back from the crowds that filled the city on a Saturday night, far back where no one would accidently stumble upon them, sat three of the most dangerous women in the world. With them, was one very terrified man.": You had me hooked with that first line. :)
I liked the vivid descriptions of the tattoos on the three womens' bodies - how there's the ying-yang sign along with their individual country's emblems. It also gave them a uniformity, told you that they were in arms together and not to mess with them.
"She didn't look like a tomboy, with her long blonde hair and immaculate makeup, but the girl was a huge football fan, and usually reserved her voice for matches when she could scream obscenities at the over-paid players.": It described the character rightly but it seems out of place like you were trying to throw something funny in the midst of a serious moment. It does though make the woman seem more human and less dangerous.
Nice shocker at the ending. "Follow the light" sounded so eerie followed by the gun.
That's quite a dream you had. Good job putting it into words and thanks for sharing it.
| AvidWriter-92 chapter 1 . 7/19/2010
Hey, Dreamer's :)
I have to say that I enjoyed this piece. It was very unique, and I felt like you described everything very nicely. :) I liked the whole tone and setting; it was very creepy, and sort of mysterious.
I also liked how you described the different women, and had them sort of similiar to what country they represented. It sort of reminds me of "Hetalia," which is a manga story about the different countries relationships during WWII. :)
Each of the characters seemed pretty well fleshed out considering that this was a short story/oneshot. :) Just be careful, like another reviewer mentioned, to not let the country define the character. :)
I was a bit confused by the ending as well... Who exactly is the Irish woman, and why is she deciding to kill him?
Other than that, I thought that this was great! :) I would definitely continue to read this, if you decided to expand it... Oh, and what "100 theme challenge" are you talking about? Just curious. ;)
Avid, via the Roadhouse. Returning reviews... 3/5. :)
| Narq chapter 1 . 7/3/2010
hm interesting story and concept(s). They really do intruge me.
One thing I'd say is to be careful of the comments and that traditions and the customs of your characters if you are going to identify them to a certain country ;)