Reviews for Bloodstained Noble
Fox Trot 9 chapter 2 . 1/25/2011
I'm sorry I haven't reviewed in such a long time; life got in the way, I guess.

Anyway, I must say, this chapter kicks ass! Seriously. And that's because the pacing is really good; it didn't feel rushed, nor did it feel over-bloated. It just felt natural, and when the pace feels natural, that's when the reading is at its easiest, even when reading chapters of this length. When done just right, reading can almost be like watching a movie, only better because you get to experience the story in a way few movies can offer—and that's through the power of the imagination.

Also, I see that you used a few real-life names for a few of the characters, including Rutherford B. Hayes (U.S. President), Madam Lafayette (wife of General de Lafayette) and Earl Hamilton (baseball player). I haven't thought of doing that with my characters; I think I might give that a try. I know some published authors do that, too.

And that line again: I wish to paint the white roses red...with the color of YOUR blood. I've seen repeating motifs before, even repeating lines, but it's usually through flashback, not dialogue. But it works really well, here; I know it works, because I can't get it out of my mind! It was kind of freaky, actually!

And last, I loved the way you gave Yaris a reason for his murderous deeds; you humanized him, making him into something more than the stereotypical monster most writers here write. It's a double-edged sword to be taken advantage of, because you can make him that much scarier and that much more interesting. Especially in a revenge story; revenge stories have been written to death, so it's nice to see someone breathe some life into them.
Fox Trot 9 chapter 1 . 12/24/2010
Yaris Adair Staffordshire I reminds me of Elizabeth Bathory, the countess who murdered many of her maids to bathe in their blood. Br.

Anyway, I'd go on to read more, but this opening is really eye-catching. The length of your sentences and description really fixes it at a deliberately slow pace. The effect is kind of like watching a movie in slow motion or something, which I usually see at the climax or at really intense moments, but rarely at the beginning. But you pulled it off.

Also, I'm a sucker for a good first line: I want to stain the white roses red...with the color of blood. To me, it sets the tone, mood and overall feel of the story perfectly. Now I know that prince must be one sick you-know-what.
crunchycookies chapter 2 . 12/13/2010
Ugh, the london bridge song totally reminded me of the scene from Kuroshitsuji... Freaky.
Lord Slayer chapter 4 . 12/2/2010
Still needs a lot of work.

Remember to proofread carefully, and especially be on the look out for being repetitive. You do it quite a bit, using words over and over and over even in the same paragraph, and its even worse when you completely summarize dialogue right after you've written.

Also, Prince Yaris monologuestoo much, I think.
Xiia chapter 1 . 11/28/2010
I like it. I hope I can see more!
Black Bride Anna chapter 4 . 11/28/2010
This is one of your stories that I really think is your best work. That Sacrifice, Alice in Chains and Worthless are just awesome. I also liked Tragic Play: X too. Yaris is just so interesting! I get really involved whenever I read his parts and I can't wait to read another chapter!
Inu-Inu's Midget Friend chapter 4 . 11/28/2010
Yaris' genius and psyche interest me. He always has an inventive way that really gets into people's minds, and he can control feelings through fears. It shows that logic can outshine emotion. I liked how you played off of fear and paranoia here. That was an interesting approach.
Lime-sama chapter 4 . 11/28/2010
You always paint such pretty pretty pictures with your writing. The way you write Yaris is so interesting and I like the mindset that you give him. You really make him demented.
Jive Heron the Axis Tripper chapter 4 . 11/28/2010
Things are building up. I like what you did in this chapter, and I really loved how you did the Bloody Mary thing. Rosillia was creepy in this chapter, and it made her very interesting. Also, Yaris kissing her on the forehead was cute.
Tragedy of Light and Dark chapter 4 . 11/28/2010
This chapter was very creepy and cool! I really liked how you touched on Bloody Mary and made Yaris pull it off like that. He and Rosillia are creepy together!
Julia Lucrezia Hanazono chapter 4 . 11/28/2010
Oh! Suspense! Awesome! This is getting interesting! I can't wait for the next chapter!
Dark Angel Hiroshima chapter 4 . 11/27/2010
I like how Yaris always thinks out his plans so well. He and Rosillia are really smart. Your characters are all so amazing! Even the bad guys have feelings and I think that's really awesome.
Dark Kurogane chapter 4 . 11/27/2010
This was really good. I like how you portrayed the Bloody Mary thing. I actually had never heard of the things you wrote, so it's nice to learn something. I also think it's really interesting on how it's speculated that she's actually a real person.

With Rin in the picture as the main conspirator, I wonder what will happen to Yaris and Rosillia. I hope that they can handle those twins on their own.
Iruka-sama chapter 4 . 11/27/2010
Aw, I really like the part where Yaris kisses Rosillia on the forehead, and when they were dancing too. They really do make a cute couple, and I'm definitely rooting for them to get together. chapter 2 . 11/27/2010
Wow. Your story is truly amazing! I really liked the first two chapters :)

Keep updating :)
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