|Reviews for Tales from Avalon: So Is The Way Of The World|
| YasuRan chapter 2 . 9/19/2010
Interesting. I like how each chapter begins and ends the same way. Adds a mysterious mythical feel to the series. Your writing style suits such a piece, in that it matches what one could associate with a fairytale but with a particular twist on it.
I thought the first story on the birds was very creatively put. You obviously put a lot of thought into it. The second took on a different approach, in the sense of an urban fairytale. I did find some diction mistakes however: 'he took his borrowed knife a sliced a lock of his hair'
Looking forward to more.
| lookingwest chapter 2 . 8/27/2010
Oh nice, I'm digging the consistency of the opening lines and how they're the same.
Ah wow, blood tea, I love the nonchalant tone of the narration, definitley a cool take on the whole vampyre, I can already tell that, haha. I also liked how you added lines that were similar in fashion, like "he hummed and he ahhed" and then the matter-of-fact "this is how things just are" sort of tone when describing the woman in the beginning too. You've got such wonderful style.
The fat queen...
-After all that hyped build up, I wasn't expecting that, XD
...in case he had need off it.
-Edit: "off" should be "of"
Upon inspection Jake realised that the lock...
-Style Edit: could omit "that"
I'm loving the build up of the tension each time he has to use a lock of his hair, and the description of the magic as a persuasive being is just perfect-the whole tone is consistent in everything you describe (the tone of telling a myth), and I just can't get enough! XD I think the visual of the pixie web was my favorite.
Ah, this happy-ending is the perfect thing to contrast with the first story. I love both of them, and I like that you did end one happily, but still kept the aire of the "cautionary tale" that serves the tales purpose. It brings variety! I was afraid it might end sour like the last one, but it was a great relief, haha. So overall, loved these two tales! I look forward to reading more about this world you've created, as "Avalon" seems to be a big subject in your works!
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 8/26/2010
Yeah, I should have been over here reviewing you like, two months ago or something. I'm happy to be here finally!
However Chidai-Bird longed for the freedom he had once known.
-Style Edit: "Chidai-Bird, however, longed for the freedom..."
He packed a small bad...
-Edit: "bad" should be "bag"
As he was eating saw the bushes in front of his perch.
-Edit: "he" should be inserted after "eating"
However although Chidai-Bird was small, he was brave and very fast.
-Style Edit: I would actually omit "However" and maybe replace it with "Yet"
...the first red berries.
-Edit: I feel like this needs to read: "...so did the first red berries."
And the holly bush has a long memory...
-Edit: "has" should be "had"
Ah, wow, yeah, you definitley captured the essence of these types of stories. I never read that many, but every time I do, I just love them. You know, I've seen it done before where an elder or grandparent, as a frame story, is telling the story to someone from the younger generation, and then each story is framed within that, and though you touched on that idea within the first line, you could connect all of them with external characters too-that's just an idea for an anthology maybe. But I really liked how simple the story was too, it was very straight forward. You've got a knack for this, definitley! The word choices were wonderful, the descriptions great-I could really visually see everything, including the holly bush, for sure, and the red berries in contrast with the blood. I liked the choice of the names, "Matta, Chidai and Fattai"-where did you come up with those/where are those from? They really helped bring the story a sense of real authenticity. This stands well as a cautionary tale. The writing is clear and concise with the way the story progressed, and the pace was excellent and even. I look forward to more.
| Freeport Typical chapter 1 . 8/15/2010
Beautiful story. Sounds like a great mythos for a children's book.