"why'd you burn down your own house?"

"it was the slugs' fault"

xD

again, good job (Y) i really enjoyed this one xD

Haha this is great, I really enjoyed it! The tone of the piece is the real winner, slapstick/formal/animal plannet, I loved it. There were a ton of funny lines in here, but this part was probably my favourite:

'I'll get to the bottom of this no matter what, I refuse to be outdone by slugs.' Those were famous last words if I ever heard them.

Concrit wise, I have a few suggestions.

'No amount of scrubbing would remove it, so not only was it ineffectual, it is now permanent.' - 'was' maybe, I think it's the tense. Just doesn't sound right, anyway.

'I tried and tested many homemade slug traps, the most effective was a deep saucer of beer.' - This is good, I just think you could swap effective for something else since you used it, or part of it, in the last sentence.

''Get your coat my love, and anything you hold dear, I refuse to let the slugs win!'' - Maybe a full stop after 'dear', for the full effect of the exclamation mark.

Wow that was picky haha sorry, but I just really liked this. It should totally have more reviews :D