Reviews for Something About Jamie is Off
Guest chapter 1 . 2/22/2013
Wow that was really good, I think I know what's "off " about him...
Flabbergasted Flock chapter 1 . 2/14/2012
I have no idea... Mind telling me?
macabre thoughts chapter 1 . 7/28/2010
This is an excellent piece of narrative. It has a good rhythm to it, and paints a compelling picture from the point of view of an aging woman. Thanks for sharing this.

(I agree with the person below me that saying what is off might spoil it for others.)

And critique.


...Is actually spelt "ingrained", and for clarity I would generally mention what it is 'ingrained' into, even if the words are as simple as 'ingrained into me' or 'into my mind'. There's room for expostition there, but whatever your style.

"since before we married twenty-two and a half years ago"

I would put a comma between 'married' and 'twenty-two', to help make the sentence feel more natural. I feel this way about a few lines in the story, including "two beautiful teenage girls who have left for college". But again, it is a matter of style.

I really liked the statements of how Jamie 'wouldn't ever tell' his secret and how 'he could have it'. It was respectful and almost resentful, somehow emotional whilst being matter-of-fact. Those lines had the feeling of a repetition without actually being one.

Keep writing!

J.H. Fitzgerald chapter 1 . 7/10/2010
I think I know what's off. But I won't say it in a review, because I for one hate getting spoiler-ed in reviews.

I enjoy the repetition of things, here. I get the feeling that this is what's running through the narrator's head as she's looking at her husband, and she's thought the same things over and over and over again, for the whole of their marriage. That shows me a lot about her, more so than I would learn by being told.

A thought, though- even though there's mystery and vagueness, it's not for the wife's lack of understanding. That being said, when there's not much to grab on to so far as explanation goes, every tiny little detail becomes magnified. I felt a bit like the very specific details of "September" and "twenty-two years" were red herrings and stood out more than perhaps you intended (what I assume you intended, at least).

Also, I cringed at the phrase "stark realization"... kind of an overused phrase.