|Reviews for The Two Sleeping Dragons|
| Solo777 chapter 4 . 12/10/2012
You should really continue! Please? Pretty please? I'm begging you! I'm down on my knees kissing the floor in front of you! Pretty please with a cherry on the top?
| doors down chapter 4 . 6/21/2011
Angel has got to be the best character you have ever created. She is so awesome! A lesbian of high intelligence with street smarts and a kind and human heart. I loved reading the scene where she tricked Virgil. It was funny to picture the idiot sitting there listening closely, his mind most likely racing with ideas on how to squeeze money out of her. Her manner of speaking seemed natural. And a character with a little tragedy goes a long way for making the story interesting. I knew what the dark spots were, I figured that out, but that thing about her uncle... I want to kill that motherfucker. Cut off his fucking balls and shove them down his fucking throat. I wish there more good adults though. Right now most of them have serious issues.
The story was good from start to finish. At times I was amused, others shocked and angry. I wish there would have been more discussion on what happens after you die and all that. that sort of thing is always interesting to me. I was a little disappointed by the "Lets shun the druggies" attitude Angel seemed to have. And I found one or two grammatical mistakes, but that is all. Nothing major.
No, but seriously, wicked chapter. I am dying for the next installment! What will happen overnight? Will the uncle somehow get at them! I WANT TO KNOW! Curiosity's a bitch. Just like an old woman. She'll nag you until you give her what she wants. Well, now I want more. Bad. Real bad. I just hope the next installment isn't so long in coming.
I LOVED THIS CHAPTER!
Thank you for the update, White Wolf97. Thanks so much.
| DashingtoFluttershy chapter 3 . 11/23/2010
love the story so far! :D you know what I just realized in your story her friends names are Chris and Angel... it makes me think of Chris Angel- mindfreak! lol! love the story can't wait to read more :D!
| AvidWriter-92 chapter 3 . 8/16/2010
I liked this chapter quite a bit, too. :D I'm really loving how you write your characters. :D They all seem very human to me, and I can easily relate to them, and sympathize with Savannah. :D
I felt bad that she had to walk all that way, but I am glad that Mr. Johnson helped her out. I like his character, so far. Too bad about his wife. :(
I also liked the conversation with Mrs. Yang in the Chinese restaurant, and how her son is klutzy. Lol. I am a bit confused and curious-who does she end up falling in love with? Either way, Virgil certainly won't approve, since neither one of them is white. :P
Good chapter, and I'm excited to see where the plot is going so far. :D Hope that you update soon!
~Avid, via the Roadhouse. :D
| AvidWriter-92 chapter 2 . 8/16/2010
Hey, white wolf. :D
I thought you did a great job describing the surroundings and the types of things that Savannah had to deal with everyday of her life. :( It's a good thing, though, because I got a sense of her background life, and it made me hope that she would find something or someone that would make her life a bit better than it is. :P Virgil's character is interesting to me. I'm not quite sure if he's being a jerk because he doesn't care, or because he does care and just doesn't want to show it. :P
I do have a question though; is Savannah and Virgil white or black? I assume white, because Virgil doesn't approve of the predominantly black school that Savannah is going to, but I just wanted to make sure. :P
Here's a few edit things that I found. :)
"Sometimes I felt unappreciated, but I [k]new I couldn't say anything about it."
"All the rich kids go there, right? LOL, wow."
~Please don't use 'lol' in dialogue, unless she's actually saying it. :/ So, i would just stick with, 'Wow." and then continue on with "she laughed." or something like that.
That's all that I could find, really. :)
I wonder what's so important about that boy in the plaid shirt. ;) something tells me that he's going to be important in later chapters. :D
~Avid, via the Roadhouse. :D repaid review. 1/1. :)
| thefluffmysters chapter 2 . 8/5/2010
Wow, I really don't like Virgil. Stupid Virgil. [ I like Savannah and her friends seem cool. What was with the three guys? Losers. Good chapter!
| thefluffmysters chapter 1 . 8/5/2010
Well, the dad officially scares me. I'm sad that he's a construction worker... my dad was a construction worker! And he certainly didn't take out the belt or kill anyone. So... yeah. It was pretty interesting though!
| Naomi Chick chapter 3 . 7/22/2010
I wish her father would show the mind to care instead of hitting Savannah. I like how the dialogue soften in the middle, and Mr. Johnson helping her out.
| Naomi Chick chapter 2 . 7/22/2010
The dialogue was so realistic that I was completely surprised. OMG! I was mad at Savannah's father treating her like she's nothing.
I like the part, she wishes her mother was still around whenever she noticed other mothers caring about their childrens.
I'm glad to know Savannah made friends.
| AvidWriter-92 chapter 1 . 7/22/2010
Hiya, white wolf. :)
I gotta say, I really liked this first chapter. :) I felt like the descriptions were great, and the way you narrated it was especially unique. :P I liked how you switched back and forth from present, to her looking back on the event.
One thing that I would be cautious about is to make sure that you show the reader what characters look like, and not flat out tell us. It's fun to make our own personal assumptions in our head, and I don't think you really need to describe what Savannah looks like in this chapter... You could throw that in later, if you wanted. :)
I loved the ending... It was very chilling, and it definitely makes me want to read more of this story. :)
Good job on this. :)
~Avid, via the Roadhouse. Repaid your review. 1/1. :)
| doors down chapter 3 . 7/22/2010
With every chapter i like Virgil less and less. Good ch. 2 i just hope the bastard gets what he deserves.
| doors down chapter 2 . 7/21/2010
The only thing i'm confused on is why, at the start, you were going he she, and then to after the first couple of paragraphs. But i love this! can't wait to see what Virgil will do when he finds out!
| Scriber08 chapter 1 . 7/20/2010
The preface is quite chilling. I like the background story of the main character and how you set the scene for the horrific event that is about to take place. The line: "It was almost just faint, light red liquid that dripped down like water, but as I looked at it more and more, I saw blonde hairs that splintered throughout the liquid. My mama had blonde hair." Really set the eerie, chilling mood of the story. Great start!
| doors down chapter 1 . 7/20/2010
My god! that was an intense preface! congrats on creating another great tale!
| Naomi Chick chapter 1 . 7/11/2010
There was a lot of suspense in the dialogue that had me on the edge of my seat. I love the description of Savannah's mother being kind and caring as she excepted her daughter without any doubt. The only happy she probably has a child. I couldn't believe her father had took away that piece of happiness.
So far, this story line has an interesting plot. I wonder, how the story will play out?