|Reviews for The Two Sleeping Dragons|
| burlap chapter 1 . 7/7/2010
It's very interesting so far, and I really like it. I can't belive Virgil killed Savannah's mother-that's super depressing. I also love how Savannah hates her ears.
| dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 7/7/2010
This looks like it's off to a great start!
I have to admit, at the beginning, there wasn't too much of a hook for your readers. The whole "typical girl" routine is pretty overdone, as is describing the main character in an early paragraph.
But right from there, it really took off. I loved the way you segued from her description of herself to the scene at school. The way you made her mother seem like her only escape from such a rough time at school made it even more poignant when she died.
And then that part with the father...wow! When I read the summary, I was expecting her to have a tough dad, but an abusive MURDERER? Didn't see that coming. Great image with the shower-it really reminded me of Psycho. The details that you included were great, too, like the feel of the carpet and the cobwebs in the woods. As if the whole scene weren't traumatic enough already, the way she remembers these tiny details makes it seem even more scarring.
A few grammatical errors I noticed:
[what a normal 14 year old girl would expect.] fourteen-year-old
[She said that my ears were apart of whom I am] a part
[one of the teachers drove me too my house] to
Just some minor things you could probably catch with a quick rereading.
So, you've really set yourself up for a potentially great story. Very intriguing plot and solid writing for your first story. if you're looking to go back and edit, my only suggestion would be to spice up those first two paragraphs. This is a great opening as a whole, so it's a shame that the very beginning doesn't live up to the rest of it.
From the Gossip Forum. Be sure to stop by again when you update :)
| Kitsune-Hime chapter 1 . 7/7/2010
I like this so far. Please continue!
| ging chapter 1 . 7/7/2010
WOW! next chapter plz...