|Reviews for The Traveling Tales of the Gypsy Sun|
| 64ShatteredButterflys chapter 5 . 7/14/2010
THIS IS SO GOOD OMG THE STABLE BOY IS BACK BABY!
| not-so-muggle chapter 4 . 7/11/2010
I love this! Please update! Like...maybe...now? :)
I'm kinda started to like Lucian... is that totally messed up? Oh well!
GO TEAM LUCIAN
| not-so-muggle chapter 2 . 7/11/2010
Okay! So I have two theories.
1. The guy who kills the mayor and drugs Sobrina is the sable boy
2. It's NOT the sable boy, but the sable boy is gonna save her...some how...
GONNA GO READ PART 3 :)
| not-so-muggle chapter 1 . 7/11/2010
Wow, this is amazing :O I love the way you describe the stable boy. Pftt, makes me want a stable boy.. *sigh*
OMG- who is this creeper that is watching her? I wonder if it's stable boy? :O Or just some random creeper.
Off to chapter two! :D
| 64ShatteredButterflys chapter 4 . 7/11/2010
still an amazing story!
| runtransatlantic chapter 2 . 7/11/2010
OH. you changed your penname! *makes note* hi
in response to your reply (i figured since i was reviwing anyhow, pming you would have been redundant :p):
like i said, don't worry. unless it's like... against my people, i'm not going to get rawr. i love what you're doing so far
if you have questions, i'll answer them to the best of my ability. the romani are a closed society, meaning i have to be careful about what i reveal, as i plan to return to it in a few years time.
onto your second chapter!
i really think that you should put some sort of header at the top - just something like "Chapter Two", or something simlair - it's professional and introduces what section we are now reading. (as of right now, i feel like i'm picking up exactly where i left off, and i don't think that's the case!)
"It was very early in the day, the sky showing just a hint of light, when Sobrina woke up." though your first line is grammatically correct, it looks off to me. OH. it's because it starts out as was, then showing, then woke. the tenses are just a little off. i think it would be best to start out describing the sky - as describing where the sun is in the sky will give us an idea of the time of day. and then if you just go onto to say that sobrina woke up, it will cement that it's early morning!
"...and with a small bucket of water acquired from a supply of water near her wagon..." a supply of water? i feel like it's floating there. was it a barrel full of water? a stream?
one thing - it's not a bad thing - but actually, it is very rare for roma women to have children out of wedlock. it's against a lot of our morals and sex is actually one of the dirtiest acts you can engage in. (i just wanted to let you know this - i don't mind it in your story at all tis fiction.)
the sad thing is that abuse exists.
"Sobrina touched the inflicted area gingerly and winced when she found a particularly tender spot. She bruised easily and she expected that a swell of purplish blue would be forming soon. Her aunt had not hit her in a while and as much as she wanted to stay on the ground and glower at her aunt's disappearing figure, she had work to do." i feel that here, you should delve more into sobrina's thoughts about being hit. it sounds like she's used to it - but i may be reading that because i know what that's like.
'That our wedding be postponed."
| Calaquend chapter 4 . 7/10/2010
*releases breath* Heavens, this story is so good. Truly-it's like I just went to Borders and got a new book and now I can't put it down...but I have to because it's not finished. I agree with you, on the matter of Gypsies being a carefree people. I'm so excited for the next chapter, you have no idea! Yay! :)
| Morine chapter 4 . 7/10/2010
"You know," Lucian rumbled in her ear, against the whistling of the airstream, "You could always hold on to me." he winked and gave a mischievous grin, "You could grab my horn instead of that old leathery one."
Hahaha- that one made my laugh.
I must say, I really like the names you've chosen for this story! I've always had such difficulty finding stories.
I do have a few questions: When and where does this story take place? You might have specified this earlier on, but I might have skipped over it.
Amazing job on this story! I've never read one about Gypsies before, so this is very intriguing. I can't wait for the next chapter!
| Morine chapter 3 . 7/10/2010
Lucian seems like an interesting character. He probably has a very interesting background. Their interaction is very unique and easy to read.
| Morine chapter 2 . 7/10/2010
You know, I like the character of Demetrius for some reason. I know that as the reader, he's probably not the one we should be liking, but for some reason, I don't think he's too bad.
Your language is really beautiful. The dialogue is realistic, and flows very well.
And...oh my...the plot thickens. A murder?
| Morine chapter 1 . 7/10/2010
I'm really enjoying this story so far! The character of Sobrina is very realistic. I like your use of imagery; I feel like it really adds to the tone of the story. I'm looking forward to seeing where this story goes!
| gracie-p chapter 3 . 7/9/2010
I love this so far :) Update soon!
| runtransatlantic chapter 1 . 7/9/2010
before i start, i would just like to let you know that i'm romani. i'm not sure if you've heard of the romani people, but as you are writing about gypsies, i figured there was more of a chance of you knowing about them than not. anywho, the romani people are the ethnic group that make up the concept of gypsies in europe and the middle east. we are a very proud people.
however, don't be afraid of my review. i LOVE reading about people's interpretations, and i am never offended, less it's like... completely shallow and stereotypical. i'm VERY excited to start your story, as i could see from your profile and your summary that you have a style similiar to my own writing style (except for the fluffly cliche i have going right now that's a detox to my usual writing. ]).
onto the story! (btw, my reivews are long and involved. i do hope that you don't mind.)
"The Gypsies had felt ... The town that lay only a few miles before them was truly a sanctuary." i'm not going to lie. this happend ALL the time when i was a little girl. it was horrible to see, and i'm so glad that you included it.
i also love how you included the horses. horses are a scared animal in my culture, and if you own one as a gypsy, you are very fortunate. i come from a very powerful romani family, and we were fortunate to own several. i can already connect to the girl in the wagon, as when i was a little girl, i was heavily watched and i would peek out of the wagon like that, if we were traveling in a wagon at the time.
sorry that i'm rambling. take it as a good sign?
"She was like a rare, one of kind animal in a zoo." i'm not sure if i like this comparison - i think it would be better to compare her to an exotic animal in the jungle or something... *ponders* or, perhaps, something a bit different... i think it's worded a bit strangely. but that could be because i don't like zoos.
and that happened all the time - there would be royal blood in a gypsy child that went unrecognized by society. again, it's a little detail, but i appreciate that you included it.
"He truly was perfect as far as she knew." i feel like this sentence is worded a bit awkwardly. i think that if you just switch "was" and "truly", it would fix it.
oh my. i can't believe you included betrothal. i myself am betrothed, and to be completely honest, it's something that is over looked by many outsiders. again, thank you.
"She didn't need reminding of her bleak, but not horribly, future with Demetrius." 'horribly' should be 'horrible'.
"Her thoughts remained on the edges of daydreams of the stable boy and sleep when she was interrupted by the sharp turn of the wagon." this was a bit... hard to understand. i think it needs some rewording.
"It was mid day when the Gypsies had arrived and it was by evening they had their stalls ready for the villagers to see and buy from." 'it was mid day when the gypsies arrived and by evening, they set up their stalls for villagers to buy from' sounds better to me. it's just a matter of making the tenses agree and work for what you're trying to say - it took me a few moments to figure out how it should be said. i'm also very intrigued that you didn't mention 'stealing' as a part of gyspy activity. i thank you for that, though i cannot say that it doesn't belong there.
" It was to be renown across the entire countryside for a skill that only heredity could provide." 'renown' should be 'renowned'.
i REALLY like that concept of the gypsy sun. you make us sound so romantic. i realy want to hug you.
oh my. i didn't comment for a few paragraphs because i was reading about the twigs. i was literally on the edge of my chair.
OH MY STRANGER IN THE BRUSH. *es*
btw - i loved the kissing of her feet. the feet are a very important part of the body.
"She was like a goddess descent from the heavens above." 'descent' should be 'descended'.
i absolutely loved your first chapter. you will be hearing from me again, i promise.
again, thank you for including those small details. i really appreciated it, and i know my unit would appreciate it as well.
| Merest chapter 1 . 7/9/2010
I loved this chapter! Great job!
| Calaquend chapter 3 . 7/9/2010
Ohmygosh! Lucian, hmm? I really like how you totally utilize the "show, not tell". Makes the story that much more vivid. Yay! :)