|Reviews for The Rabindra Chronicles|
| Counting Petals chapter 1 . 8/17/2010
I liked this first chapter. It had a good balance of action and background. I can't wait to read more and see where this is going!
| Tash Sta. Maria chapter 9 . 8/6/2010
Finally caught up :).
Hmm, I was kinda put out that you didn't go into greater detail over Taegan's exams. I was wondering what sort of things you had to do, how it would've gone, but oh well.
Really excellent chapters. The plot is picking up very well. Update soon! :D
| JuniperSkye chapter 9 . 8/6/2010
I have caught up with your posting now and its awesome so far, I can't wait for the next chapter :)
| JuniperSkye chapter 6 . 8/6/2010
There were a few places where you missed out a word or put one too many but otherwise, excellent chapter. :)
| JuniperSkye chapter 2 . 8/6/2010
This chapter was awesome, though you could have out a bit more description about the dragons. Great cliff hanger :)
| Tash Sta. Maria chapter 3 . 7/27/2010
Your author's note made me laugh ;).
Very interesting. A unicorn and a phoenix. I guess I wasn't really expecting that. I wonder how that came about? Like, the origins - the first Adam and Eve unicorn / phoenix (oh gosh, I know that was horribly put together)
Moving on to the more technical aspects, I find your writing incredibly enjoyable to read. It's fairly complex with it's word-buildings yet not too drawn-out or overly exaggerated and patronizing. Although I do think a prologue would've done quite well here with drawing the readers in and I have no doubt you would've written an exceptionally beautiful one at that.
I would continue harping on your writing but I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to go through a review worth like, ten thousand words or so.
Anyhow, I find Esti's confession of her being immortal was decently put together. I didn't find anything wrong with it - albeit (I'm sorry D:) the slightly clichéd setting. Her backstory was presented in a very comprehensive manner - simple and easy to grasp while still filling out the little loopholes nicely.
Looking forward to reading more of your work!
| artofjula chapter 1 . 7/23/2010
This was really great; well written in general. I liked it because you had the reader's attention from the start. Onto the next chappy.
| Delphina Valitrix chapter 3 . 7/20/2010
Immortals, unicorns, phoenixes, oh my!
I want to hear more about these mysterious "immortals." For example, is Esti part unicorn? Is she a unicorn in human form? Or did I just really miss something in the previous chapters?
This story also reminds me a bit of Tamora Pierce's work. Have you ever read it? She's a great fantasy writer.
| Palpable Kiss chapter 2 . 7/18/2010
You want the reader to feel suspense, yet it seems to lag from the characters. They seem too calm with the situation. Esti herself is caught up in details of the guard. Also, if I were in that situation I wouldn't be nodding a thank you. It's in and out, running, and ordering others around and begging for help. You want to make sure to make these people confused and panicking even as they charge back to rescue who they can.
Also, periods and commas and such cause natural pauses in the writing. Pauses such as those show calmness and thoughtfulness. In these situations, its okay to have some run-on sentences to make it seem to have a faster pace.
Example 1: "Hey, look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that."
Example 2: "They're all over the freaking place! You better keep those damn kids under control before I get to them."
If I did this right, you'll be able to sense the difference in tone and pace and the way they are speaking, even if there's not a description of how they said it.
I saw that you mentioned something from the previous chapter here. That exact line about Rose's lack of faith in Taegan could have easily been mentioned when it happened. Mentioning it here, however, only takes our mind from the dangers and problems at hand. Not something you want to do when you want us to believe their stressed over their work. Only something more important can draw their attention away.
"...more continued to be found and the two struggled as their own energy began to run out even as the need for healers continued to rise." In here, the word continued seems a little unnecessarily repetitive. In the first part especially. Simply replacing "continued to be" with WERE makes it sound a little better, at least I think.
Now, about the form of your paragraphs. Sometimes I see too many "and then" and "after" and "ands". It might help to end the paragraph where that part is and then just skip to what she did "after".
Example: In the third to last paragraph you said "she said with a smile, then..." you could have ended it at smile and then gone on to the next paragraph starting off with "She headed into town..." and so on. The paragraphs might seem less lengthy, but it'll sound better.
Now, the dialogue, not always, but sometimes it seems unrealistic to me. If Esti was able to catch what Rose thought about, then you might want to give us some physical aspects of what she had done like, pacing up the sick aisles, frustrated, or glaring down at them as they worked. Starting off with "I know you must feel...as if you don't belong with us..." It shows too much insight to be normal. I did like how she showed Rose her own handy work though, and perhaps you could have kept to just that, starting off with something similar to "You were a real help," or just "thank you," to which Rose would be caught off guard. These things are a matter of taste, though, and entirely up to you.
The very end, though, when she comes back, the "Us what?" just seemed like he had been waiting to say a bad joke the whole time. You want to make it clear that he had overheard. We also want to see him ruffled up. Or maybe he didn't truly trust them enough to care too much of what they hid from him?
| SoKowaii chapter 8 . 7/18/2010
Ok, you made my day with a new chapter! Gah, this is 3 chapters in a single day! It's like Christmas! Haha. Anyway, for the first fight scene, I didn't have too much of a concern and I followed through pretty well for the entire time! I was very pleased with the progression with your writing too, much more added detail I think! It was great and I just loved it and I've got to say, for a fantasy it's amazing! I don't usually like Fantasy, but this is SO an exception, cause I love this story!
| Delphina Valitrix chapter 2 . 7/18/2010
Dragons? But... but... How is that possible? Dragons are so cute. Just look at my pet Hungarian Horntail. *dragon burns man with fire breath* See? Adorable!
Aside from that, I loved this chapter. Lots of action, and it looks like the plot's going to thicken quite a bit in the next chapter. I guess I'll have to read and find out.
I love that line at the end: "Well, immortal is really a poor choice for a name, but 'those-who-only-die-by-mortal-injury wasn't as catchy."
I do have a question: Why would the healers be so concerned about infection when the people of medieval times knew virtually nothing about how diseases were spread? I mean, look at the Black Plague.
Also, I would like to see some more character development along the way. But then again, it's only the second chapter, so I don't suppose I can really nag you about that yet.
Keep up the good work. Hope to see a little more Latin on the way. *hint hint wink wink nudge nudge* Wow, that sounded nerdy.
| SoKowaii chapter 7 . 7/18/2010
Ok, that was such an awesome chapter. I think I loved everything about it, and may I just say that I'm in love with Esti. She's got the most awesome powers and the most awesome heart too! She just has a good head on her shoulders and I can see that clearly. In other words I love this story and I'm so glad you've written as much as you have on this story! Can't wait for next chapter! :D
| SoKowaii chapter 6 . 7/18/2010
OH! I am SO EXCITED to read both chapters 6 and 7! Haha, I'm so excited I can hardly give a good enough review :P haha I loved the cliffhanger by the way. You always have such amazing and entertaining stories! I just love it! Anyway... off to read chapter 7! YAY!
| JuniperSkye chapter 1 . 7/18/2010
Wow this first chapter is amazing so far, I love how they all have their own colours of magic. Also just one thing to point out os you spelt Taegan as Kaegan just before where you put the line in. Other than that it's a really good start and I'm going to go read the other chapters. :)
| Notetoself chapter 6 . 7/18/2010
Change the name of Sunshine Bay - it's dumb.
Add in the midwife/plans.
Add more conversing before they leave.