|Reviews for Letters to my Grandma|
| Jo Suzuki chapter 5 . 7/25/2012
A really sweet story. I loved it! :)
| gabijaluvs2rite chapter 5 . 7/15/2010
Wow, this was pretty good! Wish it could have had more depth, but still nice job.
| Charlee10 chapter 4 . 7/13/2010
AMAZING! This story is totally one of my favorites at this moment. I love the plot and the backgroud, I like stuff like this :) Its good so far and I would like to read more, so please update soon :)
| Open your eyes Chopstick chapter 1 . 7/13/2010
hey, so here's how i do this: i critique, pointing out what i saw wrong and maybe give some suggestions you might want to keep in mind, and then I get to the good stuff (what I like about your chapter). Ready?
"We spent our time almost always at her house before August 26th, she was severely ill because of the smoking habit from her young life."-doesn't flow. Probably because "visiting" and then giving the reason she died isn't in synce. Maybe put the second part of this sentence right after the fact she had died "...on August 26, 2006. She was severely ill..."
The whole beginning, the paragraph in italics, is awkward. I get what you were trying to do, which is fine, but it did not flow. Try finding a way to rework it.
"Sweaty and stinky was not the way a teenage girl of sixteen wanted to be, she saw her mother come into the room with a wrap on her head and black tights on; her long pretty nails gleamed in the hot Florida sun."-rework this sentence. It doesn't flow, and the punctuations are used wrong. You use a semi-colon when there is two independent phrases, but with the same idea. Rework this sentence. Perhaps... put 16 year old in front of teenager, take away the comma and put a period. Take away semi-colon and put comma
"Emma did not like the fact that so many of grandma's things went, she would rather walk into the house and see it in it's original state; like grandma could be walking in any moment, pushing her walker of course."-again. semi-colon, not comma after "went", and instead of a semi-colon after state, put a comma
"Back sassing was the Bacon women's way, her mother always had little quarrels to start with her."-semi-colon, not comma
"A letter that said at the top: Dear, Richard and it was dated 1950."-perhaps it would flow better if you put a period after Richard. "Dear Rickard. 1950."
Okay, so work on punctuations and flow. Have you ever heard the saying "less is more" when it comes to writing? It means not to use buffer words. You have alot of it in this chapter. Just look over it again, get someone to look over it, get a beta reader.
Now on to the good stuff. I like the idea of this story. I liked how you tried to start it, and how you ended the chapter. The ending was a nice touch, and ver some reason, humorous to me. The whole "dumping" thing. The characters seem like an interesting bunch because of the way they talk and think. I really feel that this could go some where. When I talked about flow earlier, I meant the reading part, not the story. The story's flow is nice. It has the mellow feel to it, just like the plot.
Anyways, thanks again for the review on my story. Hope you continue reading "Finding Karma", and I hope I was helpful in this review. :)
| BIGAttitude chapter 4 . 7/13/2010
Oh my gosh, this is one of the best stories I have read on this website, I will be waiting for the next chapter. Hopefully Nick won't be broken hearted!
| Dancer-At-Heart chapter 3 . 7/13/2010
I love it!:)
| Justlucy chapter 2 . 7/12/2010
gosh, Keith is such a jerk
maybe leave some pointers about why Emma fell for him in the first place?
Other then that, I like where this is going :)
| Justlucy chapter 1 . 7/12/2010
I'm really interested in this story already.
It seems different from the others I've read :)
just be careful about in the beginning when you said abusive mother, maybe use a different word. Abusive can be a little misleading.