|Reviews for it has been a week|
| HiddenFromYou chapter 1 . 8/12/2010
The descriptions in the first stanza really hooked me in. Especially the lines: "shores heavy in fine gold
your winds tipped in diamonds". There's some beautiful imagery there. With this, you start off with a pretty heavy writing style, that's only ever good in small doses. You capture that dose brilliantly however, and your writing gets lighter and easier to understand as the poem goes on.
I found the lines a little short, but it's not something that I found to be a huge problem. The thing is, with short lines, it makes the poetry seem choppy and uncertain. However, I think that fits this kind of poem, what with the uncertainty displayed here.
I found the almost random placing of full stops to be quite confusing. This stands out quite a lot in the first verse. Once again, I bring up the short lines. When lines are this short, the reader doesn't pause at the end of them, preferring to just continue reading. When there are full stops, the reader pauses, which makes the random placement break up the flow a great deal.
The last stanza was my favourite. You've built up the tension over the rest of the poem, and are finally letting the reader have a look at you personally. I especially like the repetition of the word 'summer' Very powerful. :)
| MRM15 chapter 1 . 7/11/2010
I like the poem itself. One line that really stuck out to me is "take her to a place she can dance all night."
I especially love the last 3 lines. "I have not found a cure/ for it./ I do not believe there is one." It is just so easy to relate to and it is something everyone goes through and thinks about. You did a great job of capturing the emotion.
My only suggestion to help your writing progress is to capitalize the first word of every line (as that is the standard way to write poetry) even if it is mid-sentence. Second, capitalize the title and first word of a sentence.
I hope I was able to help. Again, I really loved the poem!