Reviews for Foul Weather
MeAsIAm chapter 1 . 7/26/2010
First off, I admit that I didn't understand it completely. There are some pretty strong sexual references in the non-sexual way. It's like there is no tenderness associated with the three principal characters and it's just a way of getting back. The metaphors and the imagery is very powerful.
this wild abyss chapter 1 . 7/25/2010
I really like the conversational tone of this piece, and the way every line has a specific meaning. That's the way all poetry should be, in my opinion. This was at the same time both a relatable scenario and deeper, more hidden extended metaphor, and I really loved that aspect of this. Your use of enjambent and other techniques was spot on as well.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 7/20/2010
Vivid, strong, powerful. A nicely written poem, I enjoyed it; especially (Oh man, I hope my eyeliner doesn't bleed.) Very dark.

No criticism really; it's weirdly elegant for the words used. Good job.

-from The Roadhouse
lipleaf chapter 1 . 7/18/2010
I really like the raw voice in this piece. Everything is completely in-your-face and relentless- this is what I am and if you don't like it then I don't give shit. You don't hold back at all. I think everyone has thoughts like this from time to time, but we have to restrain ourselves for the sake of decorum. This poem takes all of those emotions and expresses them eloquently and with real, tangible feeling. It really shows how what we think to be love can screw up a lot of things, including a friendship that might have been perfectly good.

By the way, I love your title. Nice play of "fair weather friend." Your wordplay is always clever.
Parkchester chapter 1 . 7/18/2010
I can't say I completely understand what's going on, but then I'll blame that on my (terrible? excellent? idiotic? Who knows.) tendency to over-think everything.

I think my confusion was a good thing,however. What I liked was that you pulled me into the story with the first angry line, and you didn't let any of that powerful anger be diluted by any unnecessary explanation of the circumstances in which this poem takes place.

The voice was also very strong, and it's something i'm always happy to see on this site. Far too many writers on this site (and in general) write without giving their characters any discernible,consistent voice and their stories suffer for it.I think you painted a nice picture of the kind of person she is through her word choice and her dialog with the guy and I have to say, i'm interested in her character.

That being said, her very "in your face" attitude is something that would absolutely kill me in a longer story. It's obnoxious, and irritating and reeks of a teenager that is trying too hard to be edgy and offensive. This is not a flaw in the writing however, since I imagine that's pretty close to the reaction she is supposed to invoke. A little bit of disgust, some irritation, some pity, am I close? I'm a big fan of character driven works, so I make it my business to try to understand characters.

Other than that, I would say that I found the ending line to be a little trite,but I don't know how I would change it to be less so, so I don't really know what to say about that. Also, I had some trouble sorting out what things were occurring when, but that seems a feature of the narrative, so I don't know how much of that was intended.

You have a very interesting style of writing and i'll be looking into your other works for sure, hopefully leaving more useful critique on those.
thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 7/17/2010
This is another fantastic piece of Dee. It’s wonderful, as usual. It has that titanium-feminine attitude behind it, but there’s a little bit of insecurity as always.

There was a lot of sexual imagery here, but it wasn’t very sensual—I think there is a difference. Sex was more like the... I don’t have the words for it, so I’m going to allude to 1984’s sex scene. Julia tells Winston that essentially because he hates the Party, she wants to have sex with him. That’s kind of a stretch for what I’m trying to say, but the sex in this poem had more value in terms of the feeling of overall disgust that you were trying to create. It wasn’t so much the explosion of the bomb, per se, as it was the fallout.

Your language is just clever enough to make people take notice, but not so much that it distracts you from the poem itself. Well-played.

You also did a good job getting your point across. The end of the poem was exactly what I was hoping/thinking. It made me feel very good that you ended it that way. I’m sorry, I just can’t say a damn thing tonight. I’m getting back to your PM really soon, I promise. I’ve been away for a while.

Fantastic job as always, Dee.

-thewhimsicalbard
Dr. Self Destruct chapter 1 . 7/17/2010
I have to say that I very much enjoy how you are not afraid to say whatever the hell you are feeling at that very moment. I think more people need to be honest with themselves and allow their anger/disgust to come forth without those sugar-coated words of being afraid of offending someone.

This makes me think of someone I used to know who tried to blatantly and sexually flaunt her relationship she had in front of me when she knew, at the time, that I had no one for myself. We didn't have a thing for the same guy or anything like that, but it did still hurt and make me think of her in these types of ways.

The best poetry is usually something the reader can relate to, and I think that this, especially with the type of society we live in today where jealousy and sex is everything, sums up pretty nicely those dark little thoughts we might harbor about our friends that we never allow to escape our lips.
Isca chapter 1 . 7/14/2010
"His hand finds my left breast and my mouth is already around his dick and she's watching." Gripping. Chilling. Vivid.

"I'm staring her right in the eye, you know, dead in her fucking pupil." This was definitely my favourite line from the piece; there's just something so "Plath" about it.