|Reviews for One More Says Goodnight|
| YasuRan chapter 1 . 9/15/2010
There's a powerful undercurrent of philosophy running through this piece. It's very thought-provoking. The fact that you chose to write on something most people would consider mundane, yet made it quite profound, is a great leap of creativity.
One paragraph stood out: the one regarding the differences between them and the similarity of interplaying light and darkness at the same time.
| Nesasio chapter 1 . 9/4/2010
This review is for the Review Game's Review Marathon. Check out both with the links on my profile. :)
I love the mood of this piece. You use the narrator's voice to show his/her detachment from everything. I liked that because, to me, that's exactly what people-watching is all about: being on the outside, seeing everything they don't see about themselves.
I noticed several runons at the beginning. Many of the sentences in the opening paragraph should be broken up into smaller sentences because they contain too many complete thoughts. For instance, the opening sentence should probably read more like "The train was late. I always hated waiting for it, but he took the car: it was his turn." Something like that. Just do a close read-through out loud and make note of where you want to stop and that should fix things. :)