|Reviews for Commanders|
| Yeeee chapter 27 . 9/17
Great hentai, Twylla is a good girl
| Guest chapter 34 . 5/12/2016
| PenMasterEm chapter 34 . 4/20/2015
Hi, I noticed in some of these stories that there are a few punctuation corrections that could make it easier to read. I absolutely loved your mum's stories but it was sometimes hard for me to read with so many "..." In the paragraphs. I'm really good at editing stories and I'd be happy to look over everything. I look forward to more!
| PurpleFairy11 chapter 33 . 2/15/2015
This is a wonderful story please keep up the great work
| AkeraWriterOfTheNight chapter 34 . 11/12/2014
Exelent! I loved this story and from my personal exeriance (roll playing online), I can sympathise with our lovely Twalley. I know how it is to be pulled in many directions.
| Guest chapter 12 . 7/2/2014
Well, with creeps like Brinn around, no wonder dildos are so popular. I get a definate pedophile vibe from his need to infantalise those he satisfys himself on. A self-important, bullying, bisexual closet pedophile... that's really a turn on for some people? Talk about 'dumbinated'. Chapter 12 made me want to puke. Truly sickening stuff.
| Spoilt chapter 34 . 1/16/2014
I hope you think about publishing this. Its great ;)
| Guest chapter 19 . 11/15/2013
This story is really good! Your mother should really see it published.
There are a few misspelled words, nothing an editing couldnt take care of, though. : )
| sararive chapter 33 . 6/29/2013
| sneaky-fox chapter 34 . 5/29/2013
I have written reviews for Commanders before but I just wanted to repeat that I LOVE THIS STORY! I have read it 5 times or more and it only gets better and better :)
I really don't understand how it only has 108 reviews... it deserves way more!
| Lab12 chapter 33 . 4/19/2013
Wow, that is an amazing story! Really amazing. And it could easily be published in my humble opinion. *sight*
Just make sure to change the planet name (Cardassia), it is from Star Trek and it was a little disconcerting for me due to the fact, that Cardassians to my knowledge are gray and scaly skinned and have ridges over their eyes and are black haired. Well, I had the thought, that maybe a Trekki named the planet, when it was discovered? :)
Well, will now check out the other stories your mom wrote. *off she runs*
| indijana chapter 1 . 3/28/2013
Type your review for this chapter here...
| Crash3009 chapter 1 . 11/4/2012
this story is amazingly good, onto another one you've posted i go!
| R. Ficst chapter 34 . 11/1/2012
Well I have to say there were some things I didn't like, but overall, you've won me over and I really enjoyed the story.
One bit was the morality issues. To me there's a certain type of slave fic that I just can't get comfortable with, and in the beginning there were flashes that caused me to worry. Over time though, the world building and the culture presented me with enough reasons to placate my fears and allow me to accept the story for what it gave.
The plot and the characters were exciting and detailed, and the pace was well crafted.
The writing was pretty good overall, but there were a few issues that broke that up for me. Here's where I'll get into some constructive criticism which I hope won't offend you. I mean it to be constructive - helpful - because I hope you'll continue to write and improve.
There were some scattered typos and misspellings, swapping the wrong your/you're or there/their. There weren't really too many of those, and I know how easily they slip by in proofreading. Also there were several places where you meant "dominant" but wrote "dominate," which changes the meaning.
There was a clear and definite overuse of "..." which most times would be better expressed with a period or a comma or a dash. Stylistically, there were also some awkward sudden shifts in the narrative voice. I would suggest deciding on how to express characters' thoughts (in italics, for example), rather than stringing in expletives with objective descriptions.
There was also a rather strange lack of question marks. (Ex: "What," she asked. - as opposed to: "What?" she asked.)
I'm no grammar guru, but in my opinion fixing the issues raised above would improve the story. Please message me if you don't understand or want to discuss anything I've said - even if you want to disagree with my opinions. ; )
Now I feel weird because the majority of my review is spent on the negative when overall I had a really positive experience in the reading. I really did enjoy the story, and I'm excited to hear about the prospect of a sequel. I'll have to check out your profile and see what's up.
Thank you so much for posting! I hope you keep it up!
| yasyall23 chapter 34 . 10/15/2012
I stayed up all night reading this story. Please post a sequel!