Reviews for Commanders
R. Ficst chapter 34 . 11/1/2012
Well I have to say there were some things I didn't like, but overall, you've won me over and I really enjoyed the story.

One bit was the morality issues. To me there's a certain type of slave fic that I just can't get comfortable with, and in the beginning there were flashes that caused me to worry. Over time though, the world building and the culture presented me with enough reasons to placate my fears and allow me to accept the story for what it gave.

The plot and the characters were exciting and detailed, and the pace was well crafted.

The writing was pretty good overall, but there were a few issues that broke that up for me. Here's where I'll get into some constructive criticism which I hope won't offend you. I mean it to be constructive - helpful - because I hope you'll continue to write and improve.

There were some scattered typos and misspellings, swapping the wrong your/you're or there/their. There weren't really too many of those, and I know how easily they slip by in proofreading. Also there were several places where you meant "dominant" but wrote "dominate," which changes the meaning.

There was a clear and definite overuse of "..." which most times would be better expressed with a period or a comma or a dash. Stylistically, there were also some awkward sudden shifts in the narrative voice. I would suggest deciding on how to express characters' thoughts (in italics, for example), rather than stringing in expletives with objective descriptions.

There was also a rather strange lack of question marks. (Ex: "What," she asked. - as opposed to: "What?" she asked.)

I'm no grammar guru, but in my opinion fixing the issues raised above would improve the story. Please message me if you don't understand or want to discuss anything I've said - even if you want to disagree with my opinions. ; )

Now I feel weird because the majority of my review is spent on the negative when overall I had a really positive experience in the reading. I really did enjoy the story, and I'm excited to hear about the prospect of a sequel. I'll have to check out your profile and see what's up.

Thank you so much for posting! I hope you keep it up!
yasyall23 chapter 34 . 10/15/2012
I stayed up all night reading this story. Please post a sequel!
witeaya chapter 33 . 5/16/2012
i m not a fan of menage trios kinda story but im a sucker for sci-fi/galactic? story so here im!

plus i love the plot.
wonderland212 chapter 33 . 12/2/2011
I really enjoyed this story...the story line was developed very well. I liked how each of them, at one point or another, showed that they were insecure or jealous ...it made the whole thing seem more realistic. Especially Ky, I always felt a little bad for him..like he was out of the loop, so I thought it was touching when Brinn reassured him and vice versa.

Yes, at times I thought that the constant misunderstandings (i.e- Brinn feeling hurt b/c he thought she didn't love him, or her feeling hurth b/c she thought they didn't want her, etc.) did become bit too drawn out and redundat...as well as Twylla's constant tears...but overall the story was fascinating, complex, and well developed. :)
wonderland212 chapter 16 . 12/1/2011
Kalla was out of line but twylla should not have hit her. If everyone went around slapping ppl b/c someone insulted them, the world would be a very violent place. Unless twylla felt that she was about to be hit, she had no right to hit his sister. It just seems a little unrealistic that ky and the commander would not even reprimend twylla for putting her hands on kalla without the threat that kalla was going to hit twylla.
SootheTheDelicate chapter 9 . 10/2/2011
This is absolutely amazing, I've spent my last few days scanning for a story such as this and wasted my time filing well over 150 pages of just summaries trying to find not only a good plot but also the writing skills to match. This is a god send and I'm only on chapter 9.
Guest chapter 12 . 9/19/2011
I am glad to see alot of people feel as I do by the amoint of reviews you have, Happy to see some people truly believe in romance and not confusing F88cking, for actual love and romance.

Thank everything that all romance has not died to trash like this!
Guest chapter 32 . 9/19/2011
Love?

That aint love that's lust and smut, a man who truly loves a woman would never share here.

this just turned my stomach!
Guest chapter 33 . 9/19/2011
This says romance but I'm sorry, did I miss something? What was so sweet and romantic about this. now she is pregnant and she doesn't know by who?

This is a good thing?

This might be smut, explicit erotica, but a romance it aint, and it sure isn't sweet. Not even close!
gwen chapter 1 . 8/4/2011
love it so far!
llorolalluvia chapter 3 . 7/17/2011
I'm really enjoying this so far. It's really well written and it takes on a new dynamic I've never read about before. I can't wait to see what happens next :)
Alisa Palmer chapter 7 . 6/26/2011
So this is my first time reviewing this story. I would have sooner but I needed something to review on. I'm not exactly one of those that says it's all great and everything...blah blah blah. Those reviews are annoying.

I absolutely loved at the end of this chapter when Brinn said "Twylla needs hair...things." I literally laughed out loud. I just found his cluelessness and the fact that that was his way of changing the subject halarious.

This is by far one of the greatest stories I have read on fictionpress (and that's saying something considering I've been on this site for five years. I've read a lot of brilliant stories. Trust me.). The characters are fantastic, the emotion is engulfing, the crativity blows me away and the detail is literally out-of-this-world. Fabulous. Absolutely great. I'm loving this so far.

I would highly encourage your mother to get this published. She's got gold here. People would pay good money for a story that is this emotionally trying. She's done so well with it that I feel the sadness, tension, and amusement. The characters are human, relateable, and you honestly feel pity for poor Twylla.

The only thing I would suggest is having someone proof read it before sending it to a publisher if she were considering doing so. The ellipses are over used. Sometimes it adds to it, and other times I find myself skipping or skimming the section to get past them. There are a few other minor errors that I've seen as well, nothing that is a huge problem. Watch the comma usage as well. But really, as a whole, this is brilliant.

I do hope she one day becomes comfortable enough to publish this. I would give my life to be able to write this way. Thank you so much for posting this. And now...on to the next chapter!

-PHIX
Emelaya Ericson chapter 34 . 6/21/2011
this story was so wonderfully done! Very skillful! I appreciated it very much!

Sincerely,

Mel
Binkybaby chapter 34 . 6/7/2011
Well I liked this story. Even though I had to skip a few chapters... lol but I liked it :))))
nerdimaddi chapter 22 . 6/2/2011
can't wait to read more
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