|Reviews for Into the Waves|
| balloonfista chapter 1 . 7/2/2011
awww...this was sooooo cute 3
| Fantasy's Dreamer chapter 1 . 2/26/2011
hahah very funny i almost pissed my pants while reading this story! this story has to be the greatest thing since chocolate milk!-lily
| WishBlade chapter 1 . 11/14/2010
This was just adorable ]
| Summer Adams chapter 1 . 8/8/2010
This is such a cute story! Good job!
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 7/26/2010
"Excuse me, girlfriend, but I'm your boyfriend, so that sissy lifeguard is off limits."
-Style Suggestion: maybe italicize "girlfriend" just for extra scornful emphasis
Overall, there weren't any spelling/grammar errors to correct, and this seems just pretty well rounded. It lacked a larger plot arc but it reminded me more of a drabble than a short story, and those rarely have bigger plots. Still, I think I can identify a sort of build up to a climax, when your narrator gives the heart symbol to the lifeguard, and then the falling action, when Chad confronts her about it.
The dialogue is what I think moved this piece so well-it was very dialogue centered. And I liked the narrator's narrative voice through the dialogue the best. I think she had some great lines like, "Shh. I'm admiring a piece of art." which I thought were fun. She was also very bold, and she emitted self-confidence, I think. I would never have been so obtuse with a schmexy lifeguard when Boyfriend was sitting next to me-though I completely relate to the narrator needing more attention from Chad. Sometimes a girl has to get aggressive, XD. And I liked the way she approached it-kept Chad on his toes, I think.
The only place where it got a *little* cheesy for me was "They glistened in the sun like a thousand diamonds." concerning the life guard's abs. That line didn't mesh with me well, though I do think it was meant to drip with sort of that cheesiness for the sake of the narrative voice, so I see it's purpose, just personally didn't work-maybe it was too poetically cliche, not sure, XD.
Other than that though, I liked it overall-cute ending, very snappy. Well polished as far as editing, and also was focused to me. Your fiction reminds me of the teen romance fiction by writers like Sarah Dessen. Definitely brings me back to my teens, and its got a fun cast of guys so far!
| artofjula chapter 1 . 7/23/2010
Hahah this was absolutely adorable! I loved it. Short and cute and totally fluffy.
| Cleoattila chapter 1 . 7/19/2010
Aw that was so cute!
| MeAsIAm chapter 1 . 7/18/2010
Short, sweet and interesting!
I was out of the loop for a while, because there was no 'background' as such to the characters. But this one-shot is such that as you go on, you realise you don't need any information about the characters. Such things can happen anywhere and maybe, you can be the girl and Chad can be your boyfriend. One thing I absolutely liked was the 'naturalness' of this piece!
Good job. :)
| seredemia chapter 1 . 7/17/2010
Aaw. This was so sweet. I smiled at this, it's just a typical story that makes you feel good :'D
Chad was so adorable, being jealous like that. I loved the carefreeness of this short story. Although, I don't blame Chad for being jealous. The main character (I don't think you mentioned her name) just kept oggling that other guy in front of Chad... Of course, he'd be jealous... T_T
| PerryC chapter 1 . 7/17/2010
I really, really wish you'd write some longer stories. As much I absolutely love your one shots, every time I finish one I'm left craving more. Your characterizations are really impressive... I'm so jealous! haha. I have a lot of trouble writing realistic characters who are consistent, likable and original, but you seem to find it so easy. I especially love how you put in such natural twists. I totally expected her to end up with the lifeguard and get ditched by her boyfriend, lol.
looking forward to reading more!
| Raindrops Melt Away chapter 1 . 7/16/2010
Stop the insanity! Gah! You improve more and more with your little oneshots!
| d e e e e l e e e e t e e d chapter 1 . 7/16/2010
That was cute lol. :)
| Nakehaton chapter 1 . 7/16/2010
Haha. That was so cute. My favorite part was this:
"Chad sputtered and frantically looked up the word "liberated" on his iPhone." That's so hilariously adorable. :)
| Kobra Kid chapter 1 . 7/16/2010
Aww, this was great! :D It reminds me of how Mike, my best friend, and I interact. He gets jealous when I say a boy is hot xD. Anyways, great job! The dialogue was fantastic and it was extremely realistic. Keep on writing!
| Peytiejade123 chapter 1 . 7/16/2010
Hey, I really enjoyed reading this chapter- the perfect opening to the story D Although there is a lot of speaking, i think this is nesessary, and I look forward to reading more )