|Reviews for Jakob Melville|
| Isca chapter 1 . 7/19/2010
"He noticed the dark noises of the woods at night. Religious noises." I found this part so very gripping. I'm more a of nocturnal person, myself, so this seemed very personal and profound.
"Jakob couldn't feel his hands." I like the blunt 'numbness' here; his emotional instability is portrayed to the reader through his physical sensations.
| FirstBloom13 chapter 1 . 7/18/2010
Mystery - here's a genre I don't read often. I apologize ahead of time if this review reads a little awkwardly - I'm unused to reviewing this type of work.
The opening to this story was very well-done, and definitely made me want to read onwards. We know nothing about this character, and so going straight into action was a good choice, and one that I don't see very often. Your description of Jakob trying to survive the night, along with subtle hints at backstory, was thrilling. However, I didn't really understand the second sentence - 'Earlier he had tried to dig small ditches in the ground, later mashing his hands in as deep as they would go and covering them back up again as best he could, thinking that underground might help him from being so exposed to the elements.' Maybe if you broke it into two it would be easier to grasp.
Your spelling and grammar could have been improved on, however. Overall it was okay, but certain words/phrases were misspelled - 'suite jacket', 'shutter awake', etc. It distracted from the quality of the story, even more jarring in a tense atmosphere like you wrote in. You also had several uncomplete sentences - 'Moving as quickly and as quietly as he could, still straining for any sound or sign of civilization around him' for example.
The character of Jakob didn't feel very well-rounded. I know it's still the first chapter, but we know hardly anything about his personality, his thoughts, his past, or even if he's supposed to be sympathetic. I didn't find myself caring what happened to him at all because I have no attachment to the character and I can't relate to him. Try to develop him some more next chapter.
This was a pretty fast-paced story, and at about 1300 words made for a pretty fast read. Only about two notable things happened - Jakob survives the night, and takes the identity of a stranger. I think you could have stretched it out to the 20 word mark and added another significant plot point, or more backstory/character development.
Overall, an exciting, enjoyable read. Update soon! :)
| Eva Rieycoit chapter 1 . 7/17/2010
I like the descriptions of the scene; it really gives readers an insight into the character. Although, I think this can be improved by putting some dialogue in and making the chapter longer. That way, it'd be more interesting to read. :)